A Material Momma

Every once in a while, one can be bopping along through life and something totally unexpected pops up that perfectly fits something that you were not even considering before. It is called serendipity. That happened to me in the form of an APA interview with Tim Kasser, PhD. In fact, here is the bib on that should you want to look it up yourself:

Kasser, T. (2014, December 16). What psychology says about materialism and the holidays,
      http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2014/12/materialism-holidays.aspx

Kasser is a psychologist at Knox College, Galesburg, Illinois. The materialism topic was originally chosen for publication as an attempt to be pertinent during the Christmas shopping season, but its relevance applies all year long. And as it pertains to the mother of the runaway bride, it is spot on.
For the most part, this blog attempts to compare real life to scripture. Today, we will compare real life first to psychology. After that, we will "translate" the language of psychology into the terms used in scripture.

Here are five main points that Kasser confirmed in the interview:

   • Materialism is commonly associated with acting in manipulative and selfish ways.
   • Materialism is associated with less pro-social interpersonal behavior.
   • Higher materialistic values have a direct correlation with unpleasant emotions, particularly depression and anxiety.
   • Higher materialistic values have an inverse correlation with satisfaction; that is, the higher the materialism, the less satisfied people are with their lives.
   • People are more materialistic when they feel insecure or threatened.¹

All of those bullet points accurately describe Gwen, the mother of the runaway bride. There are ample examples of her behavior elsewhere in this blog, so I will not belabor the points by repeating them now. Kasser went on to explain that not all materialists are spendthrifts. In fact, he identified the fictional character of Scrooge as an example of a miserly materialist, and this also would fit Gwen.

When Kasser was asked how religious faith affects materialism. He responded:

A couple of studies have found that the negative relationship between materialism and well-being is even stronger for people who are religious. This is probably because there is a conflict between materialistic and religious pursuits. That is, research on how people’s values are organized has shown that some goals are easy to simultaneously pursue, but others are in tension or conflict with each other. (…) It seems that trying to pursue materialistic and spiritual goals causes people conflict and stress, which in turn lowers their well-being.

No big surprise there. Matthew 6:24 clearly states, "No one can serve two masters. He will hate the first master and love the second, or he will be devoted to the first and despise the second. You cannot serve God and money." But I'd never thought about the connection between Gwen's professed religious beliefs and her observable materialistic responses.

The hook that materialism has in Gwen was evident early on, surely. Even so, I overlooked it because (a) KatieLyn did not seem to be obsessed with materialism like her mom, and (b) weddings can throw financial wrenches into household budgets, (especially for Gwen who has five daughters). Even though Joe was paying for the bulk of the wedding, KatieLyn's family would still be paying for their own clothing, transportation, and the baby's breath floral arrangements. It was easy to dismiss the red flags as being normal within the context of a wedding budget. After KatieLyn ran away in the middle of the night, Gwen's preoccupation with materialism became far more apparent. She was pressuring Joe to return the flowers for her and send her a full refund ASAP. Yes, Joe was standing in the return line trying to appease his runaway bride's mother at the very hour he should have been standing up saying his vows. And slowly, I was beginning to hear information no one had "shared" with me before; apparently Gwen hated the starter home Joe lives in and was sorely disappointed that it wasn't more like my house.  She also said snarky things about his cars and trucks. (He had five, three of which actually ran—it's his hobby. The exact numbers change over time.) 

When I read this interview with Dr. Kasser, it was easy to see the underlying foundations of biblical truth. What psychology calls materialism is a subset of what the Bible refers to as an imbalanced desire for fleshly or carnal things. Where psychology links materialism with emotions, (which would be the soul realm in the Bible,) biblical teachings go a step further and identify materialism as a symptom of idolatry, which occurs in the heart, or spirit of a man. (Remember: Man is a spirit, he has a soul, he lives in a body.)

After reading Kasser's remarks about his research, I can see how Gwen's materialism eroded KatieLyn's confidence in hearing the Lord, and she too began looking at the fleshly values of the soul realm (emotion/reasoning/intellect) instead of those of the spirit (heart/true essence). I can see how Gwen's materialism heightened her anxiety and kept her from hearing God clearly. KatieLyn then became stressed because her mother, not being on the same page spiritually, was not able to be supportive. I can see the association between materialism and selfishness, and that the corresponding pride would not allow Gwen to admit that others HAD heard from God when she didn't.  I can see how Gwen felt insecure and threatened by "losing" KatieLyn, and how, at a very real spiritual level, Gwen believed Joe was "taking" KatieLyn away from her. (Losing and taking are the exact words Gwen used, although she pretended to say it in jest.)

Gwen was trying to serve two masters, twice over. She had her own personal conflict with the idolatry of materialism, which she probably did okay managing until the extra stress of "losing" a daughter came along. Then Gwen had the added conflict of knowing that what was best for Gwen might not be what was best for KatieLyn.  As long as she kept thinking in the materialistic, fleshly patterns that were comfortable for her, Gwen would never have to face the fact that God had said something else. The devil, who actively seeks whom he may devour, was right there to accommodate her.

The Lesson
Materialism causes one to get his/her eyes off God. KatieLyn did get her eyes off the Lord, but it wasn't Joe that caused it. His had been the one voice that tried to get her to realize that. When she listened to her mother's doubts, KatieLyn thought she was doing the right thing by breaking the engagement. But she was listening to someone who had not heard God for all of the reasons described above, and then some. This is how Satan steals the truth. This is how Satan destroys a godly love. 



¹ Kasser referred to "research" in general terms here, not a specific citation. It could be interesting to explore the difference between the threatenings that drive people to materialism and the threatenings that drive them closer to God. Gwen did not put herself in a position to walk in the spirit and clearly hear God; she was walking in the flesh.

Worry Hurts Part II

When the devil sees a godly marriage under construction, he is going to attempt to stop it! You can count on that. He will send troubling thoughts of fear, offense, anxiety, panic, upset, anger, and whatnot. He will attempt to make sure that there is always something to be troubled about. If one thing does not work, the devil will try some other form of agitation to stop a Christian from following God. That is the devil's modus operandi: to attack God's people early in their calling.

Jesus warned his disciples about worry. cf Luke 21:34  A modern translation puts it this way, "Watch out! Don't let your hearts be dulled by the worries of this life." A more literal translation reads, "And take heed to yourselves, lest your hearts may be weighed down with anxieties of life.

Watch out! Take heed.  It is not difficult to imagine this old lesson being repeated in today's classrooms when a teacher says, "Focus. Don't worry about that distraction." The Bible makes it clear that worry is to be dealt with actively. Jesus expects us to be on guard against it.

At another time, Jesus used the technique of telling a parable to create a visual mnemonic. In Matthew 13:22, spiny thorns symbolize the worry of the world, which chokes out the blessing before it comes to fruition. These are not only worries about vulnerability, but also worries about lack and privation.

Jesus' warning was severe because the consequences are severe.

WebMD lists over two dozen physical effects of worrying! The web article points out that "fight or flight" is a typical response to worry-caused stress. In the case of the runaway bride, that would obviously be a "flight" response. But the article also goes on to say that "People who are happily married not only have greater life expectancies compared with those people who are not, but they also have fewer incidences of just about all types of disease."


Comparing a Secular 'Fix' to One Taught in the Scripture

Here is WebMD's suggestion on how to deal with the negative effects of worry:

Meditate. Daily meditation -- instead of worrying -- may help you move beyond negative thoughts and allow you to become "unstuck" from worries that keep your body on high alert. With meditation, you purposefully pay attention to what is happening at the present moment without thinking of the past or future. Meditation decreases hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, which are released during the "fight or flight" or stress response.

Compare the WebMD quote, "purposefully pay attention to what is happening at the present moment without thinking of the past or future" with Matthew 6:34, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Since KatieLyn already had heard God on the matter of marriage, she ought to have trusted Him to work it out and refused to entertain feelings of anxiety.

Note that the secular experts said that worry causes people to get "stuck" but that meditation helps. The Biblical response is found in Hebrews 12:2, that looking to Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, and again in Isaiah 26:3, where God promises to keep in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on Him. Trusting in the Lord is the way to overcome being stuck on worry.

But that was not the advice that Gwen was doling out. Her approach was to throw out the baby with the bathwater, and be proud that it was gone!  For Gwen, peace and relief came not by trusting in Jesus, but by getting the marriage called off entirely. Now her daughter was out of God's will on two counts instead of just one; not only had she failed the command to not let her heart be troubled, but she had also failed to marry someone God had chosen for her.

Some Science Behind It All
Anxiety interferes with intellectually demanding tasks that involve complex or abstract thought. Correspondingly, it becomes much harder to find answers to complicated questions. When a person worries, the body responds by releasing cortisol, a steroid hormone. Cortisol will temporarily stimulate the amygdala, a part of the brain that processes fear and other intense emotions. But at the same time, cortisol will impair the hippocampus, which is important for learning and processing new information so that we find it understandable. That can be beneficial for survival when faced with a sudden stressful situation, but over time a cumulative exposure to stress-related hormones will affect the prefrontal cortex, the brain's center for critical and rational thought. The amygdala commands our emotional reactions, and when the "worry hormone" levels increase, it can easily override the thoughtful, critical reasoning of the prefrontal cortex.
Basically, the cortisol that is released by ongoing worry and anxiety forces emotional rather than rational responses! The more that we dwell on doubts and misgivings, the portion of the brain used for making cogent decisions becomes more compromised and less rational. No wonder Jesus warned us to be on guard against worry; chronic anxiety destroys our ability to think clearly. Misgivings are not a sign of being a deep thinker, they are a sign of being irrational and foolish.



The Lesson
Worry is not harmless. It is insidiously destructive, like the devil himself. It destroys relationships, reasoning ability, and personal health.




Results of Worry Chart


Physical Effects of Worrying. (2015).  http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/how-worrying-affects-your-body
 
Gross, G. (2013, March 19). Effects of Stress.  http://drgailgross.com/academia/effects-of-stress-on-the-hippocampus/

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Worry Hurts Part I

Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1

This one verse contains three commands. All of them are doable for Christians.
   1 Do not allow your heart to be troubled.
   2 Believe in God.
   3 Also believe in Jesus.

We have to do these three things if we love God.

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments." John 14:15

So, really, there is little choice. If we love God, we must not allow our hearts to be troubled with worry and doubt. A command needs action. Troubling thoughts must be actively resisted and replaced with the decision to believe God, and also Jesus. For all beginners and for those whom Satan is actively assaulting, this is a conscious act. Jesus realized that keeping His commandments wouldn't always be a piece of cake, so in the next line He said:

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. John 14:16, 17

You cannot have your heart turned in on worldly, fleshly things and receive help from the Spirit of truth.

"The one who has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me. And the one who loves Me will be loved by My Father. I also will love him and will reveal Myself to him." John 14:21

See that? If you keep the commands, Jesus promises to reveal Himself!  One of the disciples asked how Jesus could reveal Himself to His disciples but not to the world…

Jesus answered, "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word. My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. The one who doesn't love Me will not keep My words. (…) But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. John 14:23, 24, 26

In context, the fourteenth chapter of John takes place shortly before Jesus' crucifixion. He knows His earthly ministry is coming to term and He is hitting the high points of his teaching as a review. This one point in particular is so important that it is repeated in verse 27:

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

It is very important to control our thoughts, and in particular, it is very important to not allow troubling thoughts into our heart. His peace is supposed to fill the space that the troubling thoughts want to occupy; that would solve the first command of John 14:1, "do not allow your heart to be troubled." But it is not a fait accompli without applying the work of faith to the other two commands, believe God and believe also in Jesus.

Here is the answer on how to do that:
Rejoice in the Lord always! Philippians 4:4. Be anxious for nothing. Philippians 4:6. As Keith Moore said, "Fear is contraband for the believer."¹ In other words, fear, doubt, and troubling thoughts are prohibited under God's covenant with believers. We would not have panic attacks if we kept this covenant, if we believed the word of God fully.

One thing I have consistently prayed for Joe since his babyhood is found in Isaiah 54:14, In righteousness you will be established; You will be far from oppression, for you will not fear; And from terror, for it will not come near you. This comes three verses before the often quoted "no weapon formed against you shall prosper" phrase and forms part of the foundation for it. As a man, Joe's spirit processes troubling thoughts differently than the average storm-tossed Christian. Because of the 30+ years of tiny faith-steps that I have invested in this, our "normal" is different than what is normal for many people we associate with.  I am so used to Joe's solid foundation that I was surprised when Gwen told me that KatieLyn was hysterical. Why would she do that, especially when no one was threatening her?

I guess that is one of the lifestyle differences that KatieLyn said she could not live with. She grew up around worrywarts who would freak out over such differences, so when Joe was cooler and more collected in his thoughts, she must have believed that he didn't care. Seeing the peace of God (on someone else) often presents as "not caring" to those people who are dominated by worldly beliefs who do not understand the nature of  the peace that is the fruit of the Spirit.

In truth, there is a big, although outwardly subtle, distinction between the two kinds of "not caring."  And that distinction is made in the spirit/heart, not in the soul/emotions; which explains why it can be difficult to judge which one someone else is exhibiting. One lack-of-concern is rooted in the emotion of not giving a flying fig, but the other lack-of-concern comes from having the heart fixed on Jesus. Inside they are very different. Outside they look like twins.


The Lesson
We are given a command: Do not let your heart be troubled.  Worry is not a sign that something is important to us; it is a sign that we don't trust God and are not keeping His command. Lack of worry is not a sign that we are callous or disinterested; worry will be lacking when we obey and have peace in the Lord. 


¹Careful for Nothing sermon series, 11/20/15, 'Safe in Him,' 4:45. http://www.moorelife.org/listseries.php?xml=rss/CarefulForNothing.xml

Bird Nests

You can't prevent a bird from flying overhead, but you don't have to let it build a nest in your hair.

That is an adaptation of a Chinese proverb.  No, it is not scripture. It is what it is; so we won't look for any deep meaning but will take it at face value. At face value, it is a common sense statement.

However, birds are used as symbols in scripture. Their symbolic meaning varies with the species: the dove is identified with the Holy Spirit, a hen with safety and the gathering of her chicks, the ostrich is unmindful, the peacock displayed Solomon's wealth,  however, the devouring birds, those which snatch up seed or feast on carrion, are identified with demons and the devil.
Matthew identifies the birds of the air as "the wicked one" (Matthew 13:19).
Mark connects them with "Satan" (Mark 4:15)
Luke links them to "the devil" (Luke 8:5, 12).

In Genesis 15:11, birds of prey attempted to thwart Abraham's preparation to cut covenant with God. It is prophesied that birds will continue to live down to this foul symbolism in the future when Babylon falls and "becomes a dwelling for demons and a haunt for every impure spirit, a haunt for every unclean bird..." Revelation 18:2

As regards the proverb, "you can't prevent a bird from flying overhead," a person cannot prevent a demonic spirit from suggesting a foul, ungodly thought or putting an evil notion in his head. But he can brush it away immediately and not let it build the metaphorical nest. He can prevent his mind from becoming the home for doubts that question and undermine what the Lord has already said. Blocking the building of the nest is certainly possible.

John 14:1 says, "Do not let your hearts be troubled."  This is akin to saying don't let wicked thoughts find a home in your heart; do not let them build a nest there. Troubling thoughts come from the devil. Always. God's thoughts are peace and righteousness. Devilish thoughts are upsetting and faith-destroying. 

Not all thoughts are benign. Not all thoughts are harmless. Thoughts are not powerless. Thoughts that do not come from God are dangerous. Thoughts that come from devils are destructive and deadly.

The Lesson
A person cannot dwell in a nest of devil-inspired thoughts and still walk out God's plan for her life in faith. She won't have enough courage left to walk the path God has laid. Instead, she will run off in the middle of the night in the opposite direction, the wrong direction.

A Dimension Called Spirit

There is a dimension called Spirit that must be accepted by Faith.

Unbelief.  The Spirit of Hopelessness.  The Spirit of Fear.  The Spirit of Rebellion.  I Can't.

These are the enemies of the soul. These are enemies that enter the soul through the spiritual dimension, not the physical dimension. These are the enemies that will keep one living in the wilderness of defeat. I use "wilderness" metaphorically here, but for Caleb, it was literal.

Caleb, the son of Jephunneh, was one of the original company who had spied out the Promised Land for Moses. He reported back that an exceedingly good land. He said, "If the LORD delights in us, he will bring us into this land and give it to us, a land that flows with milk and honey."
If you've learned anything about God, you know that He delights in Faith. He wanted people of Faith to take the land. Yes, there were giants over there, but that was part of the screening process—to trust more in the Word of the Lord heard in the heart than to believe in the giants seen with physical eyes. Anyone who would do that was set up for great reward.

But what did the congregation want to do? They wanted to run back to Egypt. Do you see the parallel here? KatieLyn wanted to run back to a place that, as far as God is concerned, was no longer her home.

But Caleb tore his clothes and said, "Only do not rebel against the LORD. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will devour them. Their protection is gone, but the LORD is with us. Do not be afraid of them." Numbers 14:9

Verse 10: Then all the congregation said to stone them with stones.

Those were literal stones. The stones KatieLyn's community used were metaphorical ones: words. God saw this, of course. I imagine his attitude is consistent today with His response then. "How long will these people despise Me? How long will they not trust in Me despite all the signs I have performed among them?" For the Lord had performed many signs that KatieLyn and Joe were to be married.
Here is something: In verse 22 of Numbers 14 we are told that the Israelites had put God to the test ten times and had not listened to His voice. We know from this that God had spoken; they did not listen. And we learn that they were given TEN chances before God withdrew his offer to that generation. I think KatieLyn has used up only four or five, but each refusal hardens her a little more. If she were spiritually smart, she would stop listening to those who oppose God before her any more chances slip by.

Verse 24: But my servant Caleb, because he has a different spirit and has followed me fully, I will bring into the land into which he went, and his descendants shall possess it.

The grumblers and worrywarts had a far different fate. Verse 29: "your dead bodies shall fall in this wilderness."

There is a dimension called Spirit that must be accepted by Faith. It was the Faith of Caleb (and Joshua) that allowed them to enter the Promised Land.
Since the Creation of the Church at Pentecost, God has provided a helper for us to navigate the road of Faith. Jesus called the Holy Spirit "the Helper." "But when the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness about me." John 15:26.

Notice that Jesus calls the Holy Spirit a Helper, and not a "Does-It-for-You." I think that is one of the areas that Gwen mixed up, and therefore got KatieLyn mixed up along the way. She wanted, no, demanded to see it worked out by sight first, and then she would have believed. But Faith has never worked that way and it never will. Faith operates in the invisible spiritual dimension where it is largely unseen until after the results are produced. The only hint of Faith working before the result is seen is in the talking. Faith words do not speak of doubt and misgivings. Doubt is unbelief.

Remember the Promised Land? Hebrews 3:19 says, "and we see that they were not able to enter in because of unbelief."
They were not required to know how, or by what means, or in what manner, or any of the details. All they were to do was to walk in Faith. But to walk by faith, one must be aware of the Spirit.

The Lesson
The Faith dimension is just as real as the Flesh dimension; possibly more so, but I don't want to go off on a metaphysical tangent. We will stick to the way that scripture describes Faith.
○ John 3:31 "He who comes from above is above all, he who is of the earth is from the earth and speaks of the earth. He who comes from heaven is above all."  The Faith dimension is paired with heaven, and contrasted with the earthly.
○ 2 Corinthians 4:18 "we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." The Faith dimension is the unseen eternal, in contrast to the temporary body.
○ 2 Corinthians 5:7 "for through faith we walk, not through sight." When this verse is read in context of the entire chapter, it is clear that "sight" refers to physical senses of the body.
○ Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." In the Faith dimension, "things" are a certainty, even though they are not seen in the flesh dimension.
○ Hebrews 11:3 "By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible." Again, Faith is an unseen force.

In the next post, we will pick up here and look at man's control vs. God's role.

There is a dimension called Spirit that must be accepted by Faith.

Not received with honor and respect

I do not have a release in my spirit to publish today's blog in its entirety.

But I want to hold this spot on the list because these "lessons" are progressive, building on what came before.

Gwen made some remarks about regretting "giving permission" for Joe to propose.  She went back on her word and called giving consent a mistake.

This morning during prayer time, God told me that He had given her an answer, but she "did not receive it with honor and respect."

That is what happened, and I will forego adding to it at this time.
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and to God are thanks, who at all times is leading us in triumph in the Christ, and the fragrance of His knowledge He is manifesting through us in every place 2 Cor 2:14

Measures and Portions

Paul wrote to the Romans about heart-attitudes in a Christian's dedicated service to the Lord. By way of example, he said this:

I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. Romans 12:3

The common tendency is to consider this to be a verse that cautions about pride—and it does do that, but it also reveals this truth: God has assigned an "according" measure of faith to each. A literal translation says it this way: God has "allotted" to each a measure of faith.  Let's keep reading. In verse 6 there is this:

Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith...

Paul goes on with his list of different gifts, but catch the way they are used— according to the proportion of his faith.  He is talking about apportionment here. God provides equal faith for salvation, but after that there are different assignments according to God's plan. Beyond salvation, your faith level depends on your hearing, your choices, and your acting on what God has said. After saving faith, not all faith is equal.

People who are faithful in a little will have more added to them. For examples of the way God works this out, see the parables of the servants who were entrusted with something of value in Luke 19:11-26 and Matthew 25:14-30.  The two parables have slight differences because they were records from different times when Jesus preached, but their message is similar; when you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones and God expands your opportunities. When you do nothing with what God gives you or bury a blessing in the ground, it displeases God.

It is also important to note that the apportionment of faith varies with the gifts and the calling. It is common to have stronger faith is some areas, especially areas related to your gifts and callings, while in other areas your faith may be undeveloped or underdeveloped. This is another reason why it is important to keep fellowship with the body of Christ that is in unity to "fill in the holes" in your own faith. It is one of the strengths of a godly marriage for one partner's faith to complement the other's faith in different areas.

As an aside, this explains why it is often easier to receive healing in a large meeting where many who have strong faith for healing are present, but then later when a person is alone, if they have not acted on and built up the faith that brought their healing, the devil can sometimes be successful in stealing their faith by teasing them with new symptoms and causing them to entertain doubts, 'Was I really healed?' and they let go of their healing.
You can see the pattern; it is a standard devilish mode of operation: (a) a goal is obtained by faith, (b) then challenged by the devil, and (c) then you have the choice between believing what God said or believing what the devil is making things look like. Believe God, keep your healing; believe the devilish symptoms, lose it and then you get an opportunity to receive your bonus problem: a hardened prideful heart. And receiving that prideful heart is easy, just scoff at the healing preacher! (Whose only role in the first place was being a conduit or vessel; Jesus is the Healer.)

Now, back from my digression—the quantity of and the areas in which we have faith are determined by multiple variables. Our prayer life, our consistency in our relationship with the Lord, our knowledge of the Word, our calling, our gifting, our heart condition, our willingness to act, and other things affect the qualities of our faith. Even when we have faith, if we do not act on it, it can die. "…faith without works is dead." James 2:26

Realizing this, we can understand a lot of what happened with the runaway bride.

Faith is apportioned according to your history of faithfulness and your assignment. Gwen was not "assigned" to get married, so it makes complete sense that God would not have apportioned any faith to her for that. As mother of the runaway, she has her own relationship with the Lord to tend to, and her role was to pursue that, not to stick herself into the middle of her daughter's relationships.

Because of the codependency, Gwen seemed to want a vicarious wedding experience of her own. We see this in the way she was reading her daughter's email and in the nits she was picking. The Lord was not going to give her that; her role was different—important, but different. This is the reason that she was experiencing doubts and misgivings. She was basically, searching amiss. cf James 4:3 "You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss…"  Gwen was looking out for Gwen's family, not for KatieLyn's family. She was deceived and did not realize that God made a distinction between the two.

Because Gwen wasn't getting any answer, in her panic she spread her fear to KatieLyn. KatieLyn had been given a measure of faith that she would need for her marriage. At the beginning, she knew that God had picked Joe for her husband. It was her responsibility to nurture that faith, to grow it, and to praise God for it. Instead, she listened to her mother, which would normally be a very good thing except that the screwy codependency was making her mom react in fear rather than faith. Fear eats faith. If the faith is not strong enough to drive out the fear, then the fear will quickly gobble up the little faith that is left. The way to get out of fear is to get into faith. It is a choice of the will and does not depend on feelings, in fact, it often runs contrary to feelings. This is why you must know God well.

When KatieLyn started listening to voices that questioned what God had told her, the thing she needed was to be inspired to walk in faith, but instead she was fed things that made her flee in fear. She cannot really blame her mom for this. According to the Bible, God had provided the measure of faith she needed, but she chose to listen to the doubts instead of casting her care on Him and deciding that she would trust Him, even in the face of her mother's disapproval.

The Lesson
Cutting those apron strings with mom is probably one of the biggest challenges that KatieLyn had ever faced, and she failed her faith test at this go-round. She was like the servant of the parable who buried what God gave her. Not everything that happens is God's will. It was not God's will for His gift to be buried; that is plain from the parable because in Matthew 25:26 the servant is judged as being "slothful" with what had been entrusted to him. KatieLyn did not exert the faith to keep her bridegroom.


(I do not have to be a psychic to see that the devil still holds one more card that he can play at his pleasure. He can rip their codependency the minute that it does not serve him anymore.)