(T)he Shrinking Violet is the withdrawn character, usually but not always female, who walks through the school hallways with her head down and wants nothing more than to blend in with the scenery to avoid all attention because she believes that her presence is worthless or unwanted. Often The Quiet One. Expect her to apologise a lot. She will usually be better than average in scholastic classes, and her appearance will often be pretty in a bookish sort of way.
The reasons for her lack of self-confidence vary, but they usually include intimidation by the popular ones, or being the … more sheltered daughter in the family, or … a personal event that convinced her that the world would be better off if she just shut up. In other cases, the Shrinking Violet (desires) to avoid the brunt of fights or taunts that more vocal outcasts take.
[…] the Shrinking Violet is invariably of the sweet-tempered, delicate type who makes a great friend and a lousy criticism taker.
In the end, the Shrinking Violet will always find her inner beauty and strength with the help of her newfound friends or lover, Grow A Spine, and blossom into a mature, self-confident woman. Well... not always. But generally. (TV Tropes)
Check out the link in the footnote if you want to read the entire article at TV Tropes, but the lightly edited excerpt above is the part that applies to the Shrinking Violet-ness of the runaway bride. Keep in mind that the quote is a description of a "trope" or metaphor that is commonly used in novels, film, and poetry.
The Shrinking Violet is an archetypal character in fiction. KatieLyn is one in real life. And in a style similar to that by which fictional Violets usually buck up and bloom, the Lord had provided KatieLyn with the opportunity to blossom as well. She has no clue as to the depths to which God had prepared Joe to understand the 'shrinking violet' personality. She was blind to that provision, but as his mother, I saw it. It was one of many confirmations that they were well suited for each other.
God still wants KatieLyn to overcome her propensity to shrink back; (the proof scriptures are below,) but because she rejected God's first plan, she will probably have a harder time doing that now. That is usually the way it works: reject God and He is still there to help, but the next round often gets tougher.
But first, let's see how she matches up to the trope:
She is female. She has a bit of an inferiority complex. She is better than average in scholastics. She is really cute in a bookish sort of way. I never personally saw intimidation by 'the popular ones,' but her mom reported that when we met. She was more sheltered than her older sister. And she would go out of her way to avoid confrontation.* She is sweet tempered and made a great friend for Joe—at first. She is a lousy criticism taker because when I treated her like a responsible adult, she said I was "being mean" for expecting her to deal with returning the wedding gifts, (or maybe her mom thought that, the triangulation thing made it hard to tell for sure who thought I was mean, probably both). She matches the Shrinking Violet trope on nearly every count.
The idiom dictionary points out that violet flowers grow close to the ground under the protective shade canopy of taller trees. That description fits KatieLyn too. But God wants His children to grow in faith and not shrink back.
Hebrews 10:38 "But My righteous one will live by faith; and if he might shrink back, my soul does not take pleasure in him." It is hard to get much plainer about what the will of God is— He takes no pleasure in the one who shrinks back and does not walk by faith.
Hebrews 10:39 "But we are not of those shrinking back to destruction, but of those believing to a preserving of soul." Again, it is pretty plain. Drawing back results in destruction, and KatieLyn's shrinking back destroyed an opportunity to thrive. Believing God would have preserved her soul from further codependency.
Acts 20:20 "I did not shrink back from declaring anything that was helpful to you." The context here was Paul's farewell to the elders in Ephesus. Seven verses later, he declares, "For I did not shrink back from proclaiming to you the whole counsel of God." He did not timidly give in to the fear of consequences. This trait make Paul usable and effective in service to the Lord.
Isaiah 50:4b, 5 "He awakens my ear to listen as a disciple. The Lord GOD has opened my ear; and I was not disobedient, nor did I shrink back." This verse, like much of scripture, was written on more than one level. On its primary level, it gives some prophetic insight on how Jesus learned about his earth ministry: God, His father, opened His ear to the study of scripture and Jesus obeyed, not shrinking from His assignment. On another level, this verse gives instruction to all disciples to follow that pattern. When God has "opened your ears" on a subject, a disciple will not rebel against it. God had opened KatieLyn's ears, but he had not opened her mom's ears. (There were several reasons that her mother's ears were not opened. He has shown me three, but that is not the topic of this post.) KatieLyn had her spiritual ear awakened to God's plan, but she shrank back.
1 John 2:28 Now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming." This verse is more instructional than the other ones because it gives directions on how to avoid shrinking back: abide in Him. Staying close to God increases our confidence and keeps us from shrinking back. KatieLyn admitted that during the last weeks of the engagement she had not put God first, but then she wrongly blamed that on Joe! If she had put God first and abode in Him, she would be married now. If she had not wrongly blamed Joe for not putting God first, she may or may not be married, but she would have grown toward a less codependent maturity.
The Lesson
Shrinking back is usually an outcome of having no faith or too weak a faith. The way to gain confidence in God is to seek Him out and draw close to Him. It made no sense for KatieLyn to claim that Joe was keeping her from her relationship with God. Her relationship was her relationship. Her decisions were her decisions. Her mind was her mind. Her shrinking was her shrinking. Joe did nothing but encourage her to keep her relationship with Jesus because he knew that is what strengthens a person's inner spirit. God is not pleased with a person who shrinks back and won't draw close to Him. Drawing close preserves a soul, while shrinking back leads to destruction.
But why would shrinking back lead to destruction? It seems counter-intuitive! Wouldn't shrinking back and exercising caution prevent destruction? Wouldn't playing it safe be...safer? No, not when you have been entrusted with a spiritual revelation. Not when you already know God's will. The reason is because once you have heard from God, as KatieLyn had heard that Joe was to be her husband, to act against that is to be in rebellion against God; being in rebellion is always more dangerous. To lack the courage to move forward is a cowardice of mistrust; mistrust in God is a lack of faith. This is also more dangerous.
But here is the revelation: Rebellion and cowardice will put you under condemnation for not trusting and following the Lord. Once you are under condemnation, you can no longer hear God clearly. Your ears go back to sleep. Remember Isaiah 50:5? (see above) When you shrink back and are unwilling to act on what you know, your own heart will condemn you. "Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God." 1 John3:21. Shrinking back will start you spinning in a vicious circle. In order to have full faith and confidence before God, your heart must not condemn you. In order for you heart to not condemn you, you must have courage and not shrink back. In order to have courage, you must muster your original confidence and faith that you were given when the Lord revealed His will for you.
Link to open TV Tropes ShrinkingViolet in new window
* Her need to avoid confrontation was demonstrated when Joe took her to the hardware store. He is a member of the store's preferred customer club and entitled to special discounts. Because of a glitch where the store had not sent him his monthly code, he asked the cashier to confirm his membership and give him his discount even though he did not have the code. This had happened to him once before, and it takes about 30 seconds and can be done from the cash register's computer. But that day, an under-trained cashier was working who did not know how to do that. So the cashier balked at his request. He asked her to check with the manager. Joe got the discount that he was entitled to, but his "pushiness" apparently really embarrassed KatieLyn.
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