Parenting 101

"I told her I supported her no matter what she choose to do." 

Yes, folks, that is a direct quote from the mother of the runaway bride. And if you think that sounds like great supportive parenting, you have been duped. For you see, during the five months prior to saying that, this same mother had been spouting off every doubt-casting, faith-robbing thought that she could come up with, and she was vocalizing them as often as she could. As you might imagine, the runaway bride's home life (yes, at 28 she still lived with her parents) had been very stressful throughout the engagement period. Arguments were frequent, and as far as we can tell, it was not KatieLyn, the bride, who provoked them. It was her mother.

Mommy dearest was not about to "support" her daughter until she was perfectly sure that her daughter was going to "choose" what mommy wanted. Once she was assured of Katie calling off the marriage, her "support" rolled in like the tide.

Also germane to the subject is the fact that KatieLyn had heard from the Lord that Joe was to be her husband. She believed God and was thrilled with that. You need to know that for context.

Early on, even before Joe proposed, KatieLyn's mother was going around saying stuff like, "Joe is going to take you away from me."  Joe, as well he might, saw that as a red flag stuck atop Mt. 

 Dysfunctional. Both he and KatieLyn prayed regularly that her mother would come around.

What did not truly become apparent until after KatieLyn bolted in the middle of the night was the extent to which she had covered for her mom. Understand that during most of the relationship, KatieLyn and Joe lived about four hours road-time from each other, a geographical distance which allowed her to paint her mom in a more favorable light. It is understandable that a daughter would try to ameliorate the fact that her mom has an obsessive need for control over the family; it's uncomfortable to admit that you are under the thrall of a freaking control junkie, who happens to be your mom.

Throughout the courtship, KatieLyn's mother, instead of trusting her adult daughter, continued to play a cat-and-mouse game that undermined KatieLyn's already fragile self-esteem. Instead of seeking and getting God's plan on how to respond to the "misgivings" that she was plagued with, she interpreted the "misgivings" as a sign that her daughter was making a dreadful mistake. [I will have to do a separate post on being led by doubts. I do not want to digress too far into that now.] The mother has now claimed that her long-held doubts are indicative of her wisdom. Seriously.

The point that I need to get back to is that when KatieLyn's mother said that she supported her daughter no matter what she choose to do, it meant that she was supportive of her daughter's wild rebellion against God's will for her life. Great parenting, isn't it?

Remember that I wrote earlier about KatieLyn and Joe praying that her mom would come around? She did. We think.  For a few brief days, she said that she believed it was the Lord's will too. She now has rationalized that, and she believes the Lord finally gave her peace about the relationship so that KatieLyn could come to the conclusion on her own that marriage was a mistake.

Folks, if you believe that God would act like that, you do not know God. Stop reading this blog and start praying for forgiveness!  God is not going to lie to the mother so that her daughter can come to her own conclusion! 

And what was one of the chief ways that mommy dearest used to get KatieLyn to change her mind? The arguments. In the end, it did not matter what points were made. It would not have mattered if the mom lost every single one. It mattered only that they caused friction and distress for her daughter, and lots of it. 

Here is the way the mother of the runaway bride played the role of the cat:

Katie dear, we are constantly fighting about your relationship with Joe, and we normally don't fight long term about things. Take a good, long, hard look at what is causing the arguments; it's Joe. Because we don't usually fight.

Never mind that Joe was usually a couple hundred miles away and was not a participant. Never mind that the cat was provoking the fight. All is quiet now, no more caterwauling, no more arguing. That is the rationalization the mouse comforts herself with now.  No more Joe, either.

Well, her mom got it partially right. It is true that KatieLyn doesn't usually fight with her mother—she usually caves in much sooner. She gave a valiant try in holding out for God's plan for her to marry Joe. But in the end, her attachment to her mother took precedence over her obedience to the Lord.

The Lesson
What I learned from the runaway bride is that those who oppose the Lord can always find a way to rationalize it.  

The Lord's servant must be patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will. ~ 2 Timothy 2:24-26