One of the reasons that KatieLyn gave for breaking up with Joe was that she was fighting with her mother. That sounds ridiculous even as I type it! It would be understandable if if she broke up with Joe because she was fighting with Joe, but no, that was not the case. It would even be understandable if she had set up a boundary for her mother, but that did not happen either.
James pulls no punches and he meets the issue head on:
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. James 4:1, 2 NIVI've shown in earlier posts that Gwen, mother of the runaway, was jealous. She wasn't getting to control the wedding. She didn't get to control Joe and have him jump to her request for a private meeting. She coveted, but was not getting what she wanted.
James explains why such persons do not receive, and he offers a solution for this problem:
When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your desires. James 4:3Gwen blew it! The biggest adult decision of her daughter's life comes along and Gwen cannot hear from God because she is jealous and possessive of the codependency.
James' answer—
Submit yourselves, then, to God… Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. … Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:7, 8, 10.In Learning to Recognize God's Voice, author Marie Yates writes:
"The whole Bible is filled with stories of God choosing to be partners with people. Respect is the bedrock on which love sits; without respect, love cannot exist. If He did not respect us, our power of choice could not exist. He would just dominate us and would not respect our wishes or our word."This is the way God partners with His children. This is not the way Gwen partnered with her daughter. Gwen did not respect her daughter, and she used the fights to teach KatieLyn to not respect what God had given her with Joe. A person cannot truly love what he does not respect, and Gwen, although probably not intentionally, carried out the devil's plan to destroy the engagement. The devil exploited her protectiveness and covetousness. Satan helped Gwen feel good about expressing her fears because he knew that her words were incubating in an envious, materialistic heart that would go on to undermine the "bedrock" that Yates described. Gwen did not respect KatieLyn's wishes, and she did not respect that KatieLyn had heard God. So she picked fights and quarrels.
Whining to your daughter that her fiancé is "going to take you away from me" has got to be some of the worst parenting that I have ever encountered. If KatieLyn has even halfway normal emotions, the effect of her mom's words would be to steal her joy and make her feel guilty for being in love. And worse—a love which the Lord had orchestrated. No bride should ever be made to feel guilty for being in love.
Yes, Gwen was worldly. She was complaining about the house, about the car, and about all kinds of things hypocritical. The fact is, Joe and KatieLyn were in a far better place spiritually, emotionally, and financially to get married than Gwen was when she got married.
The Lesson
Bitter jealousy can make a person be false to the truth. Not admitting to having envy in the heart is a from of self-deception. It can wear an altruistic face for the world, but eventually their behavior will betray them. James declares the cure to be humbling oneself before the Lord. But instead she doubled down, dominating her daughter, controlling all communication, and furthering the lie that served her own pleasure.
Yates, M. (2000). Learning to Recognize God's Voice, Lamb Publishing, Largo, FL. page 49
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