God's Designs in 'Six Degrees of Separation'

We have talked a lot about the co-dependency between KatieLyn, the runaway bride, and Gwen, mother of the runaway.

It was God's desire to restructure this mother/daughter relationship and bring both women up to new levels where they would be more effective witnesses in His kingdom. He wanted KatieLyn to blossom into her own womanhood and be the queen of her own household instead of being a servant in her mother's house. He wanted Gwen to learn to release her children without driving them into rebellion (as happened to KatieLyn's older sister, but Katie caved instead.  There are younger children in the family, and so I am sure Gwen will have more "opportunities" to learn her lesson.)

I have listed Six Degrees of Separation, and all of them apply to some extent. There is no real hard and fast order for them, but roughly I have blended two criteria in putting an order to them: (a) sort of the order that Abraham learned about separation, (b) sort of by relational viewpoint—from faith in oneself to faith affecting others, and finally one's faith in God.   As you read though them, you will discover that there is some overlap; life does not proceed on a straight line. But generally, a year ago things were arranged where God could help KatieLyn conquer the lower numbers and enable Gwen to build her faith for the higher numbered ones, but they both decided to reject that.

1. Familiarity
This degree of separation shows up at the beginning of Abraham's call. Research it in Genesis 12. We have also discussed this earlier in the bog under the term Makom, the Place that God has for you. God separates us from a place that is familiar to us in order to separate us from the world and open our spiritual eyes afresh. God was calling KatieLyn to a fresh start that would help he blossom into her full potential, but she choose to cling to what was familiar.

2. Family Pigeon Holes, Praxises, and Ruts
This degree of separation also shows up at the beginning of Abraham's call. Not only was he to "go forth from your country,"  but he was also to leave his relatives, and particularly his father's house.  I know it seems odd that God would tell a person to leave his family! Some people just are not capable of wrapping their minds around it, (and the reason for that will be explained in Separation #5.) But if you can step back and look at the big picture, you can see God's purpose here was to break unhealthy attachments that would result in future problems. Because Abram chose not to leave his Pop's family, he would go on to have to deal with at least three major crises in his future. (a) He missed his timing on arriving in the promised land and therefore had not dug the wells that would have enabled him to prosper in spite of drought conditions. This sent him to Egypt, where Pharaoh had his eye on Sarai, Abram's wife. Abram resorts to deceit and tries to pass her off as his sister, this was a half-truth at best, but if you want to define "sister" in this manner, then it was an incestuous marriage, which is probably worse. While in Egypt, (b) it seems that they picked up Haggar as Sarai's personal servant; Haggar would become the mother of Ismael by Abram. God called Ismael a wild donkey, Genesis 16:12, and his descendants are affecting global politics today.  And then there was (c) Lot, his nephew on his father's side, who had to be rescued once by Abram's armies and another time by angels sent on a judgment mission from God. Extra-biblical sources, the Book of Jasher for one, report that Abraham's father, Terah formerly had direct business dealings with Nimrod, which if true, would explain why Abraham needed to be separated from the spiritual and financial forces that could get to him through his paternal heritage; it would have been a portal whereby demons would have "legitimate access" to cause trouble for Abram. 
Although being born again breaks our spiritual sin-nature lineage makes us adopted children of God, Satan can still work through the world system.  The numerous fights that Gwen would provoke in order to get KatieLyn to doubt herself worked because this family separation had not been done in a godly manner. "Everyone who quotes proverbs will quote this proverb about you: "Like mother, like daughter." Ezekiel 16:14


3. Mind Games from Past Experiences
Abraham seems to have had above average resilience on this one. The Bible does not have much to report about insecurities that may have come by dwelling on his past failure. But God does want to separate us from or past failures and not allow them to become the metaphorical ball and chain that weights us down. When Gwen tried to convince me that KatieLyn had "done the right thing" by running off in the middle of the night because "everyone who knew her" thought that "she had not been herself" during the engagement, this need for separation from past failure is what invalidated Gwen's argument. The people Gwen was talking about all saw KatieLyn's past failures and weaknesses. They did not believe that God wanted to deliver her from her old insecurities and failures because they could not see the new nature that the Lord wanted to create in her. They were suffering from #1 Familiarity, which kept them holding her back. Now she has one more failure that she will have to separate from, and those who "know her best" want to keep her in the box that caused it.  Maybe she will will be happy there or maybe she will grow to resent them; who knows? Many people are getting by okay by managing their failures, although God would make provision for complete deliverance if they would relinquish their own control. It is the New Testament book of Hebrews, Chapter 11, verse 16, that we discover what kept Abraham from worrying about failures of his past; it was his desire for a better country, that is, a heavenly one.


4. Provision
This was Abraham's strong point. We are given quite a bit of detail about the state of his heart. Many people get tripped up on finances when they cannot separate from the world system of finance and keep trusting in dollars more than in God's provision. Abram's attitude is clearly stated in Genesis 14, right after he returns from having to rescue Lot. There had been two coalitions of kings, four against five, and Lot, who was living in Sodom at that time, was swept up in the middle of it all.  Scripture recounts this exciting adventure beginning in verse 14:

When Abram heard that his relative had been taken captive, he led out his trained men, born in his house, three hundred and eighteen, and went in pursuit as far as Dan.
He divided his forces against them by night, he and his servants, and defeated them, and pursued them as far as Hobah, which is north of Damascus. He brought back all the goods, and also brought back his relative Lot with his possessions, and also the women, and the people. Genesis 14:14-16

At this point, when Abram is in possession of all the booty, Melchizedek, king of Salem and priest of God Most High, comes out to pronounce a blessing on Abram and to praise God Most High who had delivered the enemies into Abram's hand. Then Abram gave Melchizedek a tenth (tithe) of everything. 
The king of Sodom sees this and asks for his people back, telling Abram that he can keep the goods. Abram's answer reveals his heart:

Abram said to the king of Sodom, "I have sworn to the LORD God Most High, possessor of heaven and earth, that I would not take a thread or a sandal strap or anything that is yours, lest you should say, ‘I have made Abram rich.’  Genesis 14:22, 23

Even though according to the rules of war, as victor Abram was entitled to the spoils, he was not so attached to worldly goods that he would allow then to mess up his testimony or his walk before God. KatieLyn had financial entanglements and debts with her family. At 28 years old, she was paying her parents rent to share a bedroom with high school age sister and her parents had cosigned a loan on her car. She also invested her labor in the form of doing housework. Obviously, she was a long stretch removed from financial separation; she was dependent on her parents more than upon the Lord several years past the normal season for such dependency. Had she chosen God's plan for marriage, it would have included her financial separation and deliverance.

5. Works of the Flesh
For many people, works of the flesh become so intertwined with their finances that a doubly strong bondage is produced. Separation becomes very difficult and impedes their ability to follow the Lord. Abraham's example may be atypical in that regard, but it makes the need for separation from the flesh stand out with even more contrast. This was a real struggle for Abraham. The Hebrew word used to describe how Abraham felt is  יָרַע .  Transliterated as yara`, it means grieved to the point of trembling, greatly distressed, quivering with displeasure.
Abraham's work of the flesh had been his son Ismael by Hagar. Ismael was not the son of God's promise.

Now Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, whom she had borne to Abraham, mocking. Therefore she said to Abraham, "Drive out this maid and her son, for the son of this maid shall not be an heir with my son Isaac." The matter distressed Abraham greatly because of his son. But God said to Abraham, "Do not be distressed because of the lad and your maid; whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her, for through Isaac your descendants shall be named. Genesis 21:9-12

We go on to read that Abraham rose early the very next morning, gave Hagar and her son some provisions, and sent them on their way. There is much to be said about this, but this blog post is already fairly long so I will only list two: 1. Notice the speed of Abraham's obedience. 2. Consider how rapidly life changed for Sarah in 24 hours. When a person separates himself or herself from the decisions made in the flesh and follows God's plan,

6. Dimensional boundaries
I had a tough time naming this category because the final thing that we must separate from in order to follow God fully is our mortal limits. No, I'm not saying you have to die physically! I am saying that the worldview of our heart and mind have to be able to accommodate the expanse of the spirit realm and not get too encumbered or trapped in daily affairs of this world. We have to give ourselves space for faith to rise. In Abraham's life, his faith in the eternal was tested in a very intense physical reality. The New International Version (NIV) records it this way:   

    By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had embraced the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned." Abraham reasoned that God could even raise the dead, and so in a manner of speaking he did receive Isaac back from death. Hebrews 11:17-19

Verse 17 makes it clear that God was testing Abraham. And to pass this test, he had to pass a point of no return. Of course, Abraham did not start off at this level. It had been a long time getting Isaac to this point; Abraham knew that he was training up the child of Promise (Isaac was in his mid-to-late thirties when he and his dad climbed the mountain to make a sacrifice) into a man who could hear and follow God.

The Lesson
If I believe the report from KatieLyn's family, (which I am loathe to do because it makes her look like a silly twit,) then KatieLyn did not understand what marriage is, she was caught up in the fantasy of wedding planning, and it does not really matter that she ran home in the middle of the night because God can always bless Joe some other way. 

I do not know how much of that to attribute to KatieLyn, how much of it originated with her mother, or why her father is so passive about the destruction occurring in his house, but I do know that they are crazy-blind for not seeing that separation is integral to moving forward with God. 


There are always separations when God asks you to move from where you are to the place He has called you to. These are ultimately healthy separations, although they may not be pain-free at the time. Every time Abraham had a separation, a greater blessing would follow.