Grievances

KatieLyn's mother told me that she grieves deeply for our family.
She said it more than once.
There is so much wrong-headed thinking in that position that I scarcely know where to begin to comment.  I guess I will start with The Folly and work toward The Dangerous, although the astute reader will recognize that since folly so often creates dangerous conditions, the two are entangled.

First, I don't really believe her. That is, I don't believe her if I use my definition of grief, which is: an anguish so deep that it gives a temporary high (sweet sorrow), but if indulged in, ultimately brings destruction. However, I can believe her if I imagine what her definition of grief must be, which is: Feeling a sobering awkwardness because Katie must have really hurt Joe.  But the mother's discomfort did not rise to such a level that she didn't ask Joe to go get her refund for the flowers, and when he had to make extra trips and stand in line at the service counter during the time that he should have been enjoying his wedding reception, she could still feel appropriate regret—as long as she got her money back.

Secondly, I am disgusted at her hypocrisy. Who "grieves" a loss when she intentionally, over a course of months, behaved in a manner to promote the break-up? I think she was more relieved than grieved. And based on other comments, it's likely that she was dancing inside because, oh, don't you know, her adult relationship with her daughter had become one of "best friends." And now she wouldn't be losing her "best friend." (The quotation marks are used because, as Joe discovered, it is actually a co-dependency, not a friendship.)

Thirdly, one cannot grieve for something he/she never loved. Without love, there is no grieving; it's just a feeling of regret and perhaps a pang of sadness. 

Fourthly, who is it helping? What good cause does the grief serve? It certainly does not help Joe, his friends, or his family! Feeling bad probably allows KatieLyn's mom to look better in her own eyes. But isn't feeling bad to feel better about oneself a bit nuts? I'm not a psychologist, but that insight alone ought to be worth several billable hours. If she really is grieving for me, then she has also entered into self-deception, and deception comes from the enemy, not from God. True grief would have to be extended toward God for destroying His works in Joe's and KatieLyn's lives. That sort of grief could be good if it led to her repentance.

And the BIG reason that I am peeved at her is that grief is an entry portal for demonic activity. Spirit-beings of grief work to steal, kill, and destroy; they fulfill the devil's mission statement at the individual case level. What these evil spirits steal is the joy of the Lord. And of course, the joy of the Lord is our strength. What they kill is hope. Yet "against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became..." (Romans 8:24) KatieLyn never became the bride she was meant to be, in part because her mother indulged in hope-killing practices. What the demons work to destroy is faith, and faith is confidence.

If KatieLyn's mother knew what she was actually doing, if she really understood this, then her declaration of grief would be a form of witchcraft because she sought out a source other than God. I don't think she understands what a deadly game she is involved with though. I have been given the impression that she grew up as an agnostic, received Catholic training for a bit, and chose to attend a Baptist church now because it offered a better social life... whatever, she is dismissive of the reality of a spiritual world.

I, on the other hand, have seen too much evidence that there has been a long war against God, and that the enemy has no respect for women and children—no respect for any of mankind because we are created in the image of God. There is a real devil out there who absolutely hates God uniting a man and a woman in marriage, especially if there is a chance that they will raise up children who revere the Lord.

 ♥ And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:9 
I will not be grieved. Joe will not be grieved. If KatieLyn's mother wants to play around at grief, then she does so at her own peril. I am not going to tell her what to do. She has tried to tell me what to do and I don't think much of it. 
I will not accept her offering of grief because the enemy would use it against me. The grief expressed by KatieLyn's mother is not a godly sorrow. It is not a godly sorrow because the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance, and she is not repenting for troubling KatieLyn with fear. She is not repenting for opposing God's plan for our children's lives.
 ♥ For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. 2 Corinthians 7:10.
  Godly sorrow produces a repentance leading to salvation or restoration. The grief of KatieLyn's mother is worldly grief, and she is trying to use it to produce death. She is trying to get Joe and his family to accept the death of a relationship; a relationship in which she was an accomplice to murder. Her claim to grief does not make me view her as being charitable and gracious. It makes me view her as an enemy. 

The Lesson
Today's lesson from a runaway bride is that grief is a spiritual force. Grief usually comes after an enemy attack, (stealing, killing destroying, etc.) has already happened. It is the "two" in a one-two punch. Worldly grief is like a fertilizer that will bring further destruction and death. Worldly grief must be resisted and told to leave.