A Material Momma

Every once in a while, one can be bopping along through life and something totally unexpected pops up that perfectly fits something that you were not even considering before. It is called serendipity. That happened to me in the form of an APA interview with Tim Kasser, PhD. In fact, here is the bib on that should you want to look it up yourself:

Kasser, T. (2014, December 16). What psychology says about materialism and the holidays,
      http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2014/12/materialism-holidays.aspx

Kasser is a psychologist at Knox College, Galesburg, Illinois. The materialism topic was originally chosen for publication as an attempt to be pertinent during the Christmas shopping season, but its relevance applies all year long. And as it pertains to the mother of the runaway bride, it is spot on.
For the most part, this blog attempts to compare real life to scripture. Today, we will compare real life first to psychology. After that, we will "translate" the language of psychology into the terms used in scripture.

Here are five main points that Kasser confirmed in the interview:

   • Materialism is commonly associated with acting in manipulative and selfish ways.
   • Materialism is associated with less pro-social interpersonal behavior.
   • Higher materialistic values have a direct correlation with unpleasant emotions, particularly depression and anxiety.
   • Higher materialistic values have an inverse correlation with satisfaction; that is, the higher the materialism, the less satisfied people are with their lives.
   • People are more materialistic when they feel insecure or threatened.¹

All of those bullet points accurately describe Gwen, the mother of the runaway bride. There are ample examples of her behavior elsewhere in this blog, so I will not belabor the points by repeating them now. Kasser went on to explain that not all materialists are spendthrifts. In fact, he identified the fictional character of Scrooge as an example of a miserly materialist, and this also would fit Gwen.

When Kasser was asked how religious faith affects materialism. He responded:

A couple of studies have found that the negative relationship between materialism and well-being is even stronger for people who are religious. This is probably because there is a conflict between materialistic and religious pursuits. That is, research on how people’s values are organized has shown that some goals are easy to simultaneously pursue, but others are in tension or conflict with each other. (…) It seems that trying to pursue materialistic and spiritual goals causes people conflict and stress, which in turn lowers their well-being.

No big surprise there. Matthew 6:24 clearly states, "No one can serve two masters. He will hate the first master and love the second, or he will be devoted to the first and despise the second. You cannot serve God and money." But I'd never thought about the connection between Gwen's professed religious beliefs and her observable materialistic responses.

The hook that materialism has in Gwen was evident early on, surely. Even so, I overlooked it because (a) KatieLyn did not seem to be obsessed with materialism like her mom, and (b) weddings can throw financial wrenches into household budgets, (especially for Gwen who has five daughters). Even though Joe was paying for the bulk of the wedding, KatieLyn's family would still be paying for their own clothing, transportation, and the baby's breath floral arrangements. It was easy to dismiss the red flags as being normal within the context of a wedding budget. After KatieLyn ran away in the middle of the night, Gwen's preoccupation with materialism became far more apparent. She was pressuring Joe to return the flowers for her and send her a full refund ASAP. Yes, Joe was standing in the return line trying to appease his runaway bride's mother at the very hour he should have been standing up saying his vows. And slowly, I was beginning to hear information no one had "shared" with me before; apparently Gwen hated the starter home Joe lives in and was sorely disappointed that it wasn't more like my house.  She also said snarky things about his cars and trucks. (He had five, three of which actually ran—it's his hobby. The exact numbers change over time.) 

When I read this interview with Dr. Kasser, it was easy to see the underlying foundations of biblical truth. What psychology calls materialism is a subset of what the Bible refers to as an imbalanced desire for fleshly or carnal things. Where psychology links materialism with emotions, (which would be the soul realm in the Bible,) biblical teachings go a step further and identify materialism as a symptom of idolatry, which occurs in the heart, or spirit of a man. (Remember: Man is a spirit, he has a soul, he lives in a body.)

After reading Kasser's remarks about his research, I can see how Gwen's materialism eroded KatieLyn's confidence in hearing the Lord, and she too began looking at the fleshly values of the soul realm (emotion/reasoning/intellect) instead of those of the spirit (heart/true essence). I can see how Gwen's materialism heightened her anxiety and kept her from hearing God clearly. KatieLyn then became stressed because her mother, not being on the same page spiritually, was not able to be supportive. I can see the association between materialism and selfishness, and that the corresponding pride would not allow Gwen to admit that others HAD heard from God when she didn't.  I can see how Gwen felt insecure and threatened by "losing" KatieLyn, and how, at a very real spiritual level, Gwen believed Joe was "taking" KatieLyn away from her. (Losing and taking are the exact words Gwen used, although she pretended to say it in jest.)

Gwen was trying to serve two masters, twice over. She had her own personal conflict with the idolatry of materialism, which she probably did okay managing until the extra stress of "losing" a daughter came along. Then Gwen had the added conflict of knowing that what was best for Gwen might not be what was best for KatieLyn.  As long as she kept thinking in the materialistic, fleshly patterns that were comfortable for her, Gwen would never have to face the fact that God had said something else. The devil, who actively seeks whom he may devour, was right there to accommodate her.

The Lesson
Materialism causes one to get his/her eyes off God. KatieLyn did get her eyes off the Lord, but it wasn't Joe that caused it. His had been the one voice that tried to get her to realize that. When she listened to her mother's doubts, KatieLyn thought she was doing the right thing by breaking the engagement. But she was listening to someone who had not heard God for all of the reasons described above, and then some. This is how Satan steals the truth. This is how Satan destroys a godly love. 



¹ Kasser referred to "research" in general terms here, not a specific citation. It could be interesting to explore the difference between the threatenings that drive people to materialism and the threatenings that drive them closer to God. Gwen did not put herself in a position to walk in the spirit and clearly hear God; she was walking in the flesh.

Worry Hurts Part II

When the devil sees a godly marriage under construction, he is going to attempt to stop it! You can count on that. He will send troubling thoughts of fear, offense, anxiety, panic, upset, anger, and whatnot. He will attempt to make sure that there is always something to be troubled about. If one thing does not work, the devil will try some other form of agitation to stop a Christian from following God. That is the devil's modus operandi: to attack God's people early in their calling.

Jesus warned his disciples about worry. cf Luke 21:34  A modern translation puts it this way, "Watch out! Don't let your hearts be dulled by the worries of this life." A more literal translation reads, "And take heed to yourselves, lest your hearts may be weighed down with anxieties of life.

Watch out! Take heed.  It is not difficult to imagine this old lesson being repeated in today's classrooms when a teacher says, "Focus. Don't worry about that distraction." The Bible makes it clear that worry is to be dealt with actively. Jesus expects us to be on guard against it.

At another time, Jesus used the technique of telling a parable to create a visual mnemonic. In Matthew 13:22, spiny thorns symbolize the worry of the world, which chokes out the blessing before it comes to fruition. These are not only worries about vulnerability, but also worries about lack and privation.

Jesus' warning was severe because the consequences are severe.

WebMD lists over two dozen physical effects of worrying! The web article points out that "fight or flight" is a typical response to worry-caused stress. In the case of the runaway bride, that would obviously be a "flight" response. But the article also goes on to say that "People who are happily married not only have greater life expectancies compared with those people who are not, but they also have fewer incidences of just about all types of disease."


Comparing a Secular 'Fix' to One Taught in the Scripture

Here is WebMD's suggestion on how to deal with the negative effects of worry:

Meditate. Daily meditation -- instead of worrying -- may help you move beyond negative thoughts and allow you to become "unstuck" from worries that keep your body on high alert. With meditation, you purposefully pay attention to what is happening at the present moment without thinking of the past or future. Meditation decreases hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, which are released during the "fight or flight" or stress response.

Compare the WebMD quote, "purposefully pay attention to what is happening at the present moment without thinking of the past or future" with Matthew 6:34, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Since KatieLyn already had heard God on the matter of marriage, she ought to have trusted Him to work it out and refused to entertain feelings of anxiety.

Note that the secular experts said that worry causes people to get "stuck" but that meditation helps. The Biblical response is found in Hebrews 12:2, that looking to Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, and again in Isaiah 26:3, where God promises to keep in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on Him. Trusting in the Lord is the way to overcome being stuck on worry.

But that was not the advice that Gwen was doling out. Her approach was to throw out the baby with the bathwater, and be proud that it was gone!  For Gwen, peace and relief came not by trusting in Jesus, but by getting the marriage called off entirely. Now her daughter was out of God's will on two counts instead of just one; not only had she failed the command to not let her heart be troubled, but she had also failed to marry someone God had chosen for her.

Some Science Behind It All
Anxiety interferes with intellectually demanding tasks that involve complex or abstract thought. Correspondingly, it becomes much harder to find answers to complicated questions. When a person worries, the body responds by releasing cortisol, a steroid hormone. Cortisol will temporarily stimulate the amygdala, a part of the brain that processes fear and other intense emotions. But at the same time, cortisol will impair the hippocampus, which is important for learning and processing new information so that we find it understandable. That can be beneficial for survival when faced with a sudden stressful situation, but over time a cumulative exposure to stress-related hormones will affect the prefrontal cortex, the brain's center for critical and rational thought. The amygdala commands our emotional reactions, and when the "worry hormone" levels increase, it can easily override the thoughtful, critical reasoning of the prefrontal cortex.
Basically, the cortisol that is released by ongoing worry and anxiety forces emotional rather than rational responses! The more that we dwell on doubts and misgivings, the portion of the brain used for making cogent decisions becomes more compromised and less rational. No wonder Jesus warned us to be on guard against worry; chronic anxiety destroys our ability to think clearly. Misgivings are not a sign of being a deep thinker, they are a sign of being irrational and foolish.



The Lesson
Worry is not harmless. It is insidiously destructive, like the devil himself. It destroys relationships, reasoning ability, and personal health.




Results of Worry Chart


Physical Effects of Worrying. (2015).  http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/how-worrying-affects-your-body
 
Gross, G. (2013, March 19). Effects of Stress.  http://drgailgross.com/academia/effects-of-stress-on-the-hippocampus/

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Worry Hurts Part I

Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1

This one verse contains three commands. All of them are doable for Christians.
   1 Do not allow your heart to be troubled.
   2 Believe in God.
   3 Also believe in Jesus.

We have to do these three things if we love God.

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments." John 14:15

So, really, there is little choice. If we love God, we must not allow our hearts to be troubled with worry and doubt. A command needs action. Troubling thoughts must be actively resisted and replaced with the decision to believe God, and also Jesus. For all beginners and for those whom Satan is actively assaulting, this is a conscious act. Jesus realized that keeping His commandments wouldn't always be a piece of cake, so in the next line He said:

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. John 14:16, 17

You cannot have your heart turned in on worldly, fleshly things and receive help from the Spirit of truth.

"The one who has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me. And the one who loves Me will be loved by My Father. I also will love him and will reveal Myself to him." John 14:21

See that? If you keep the commands, Jesus promises to reveal Himself!  One of the disciples asked how Jesus could reveal Himself to His disciples but not to the world…

Jesus answered, "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word. My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. The one who doesn't love Me will not keep My words. (…) But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. John 14:23, 24, 26

In context, the fourteenth chapter of John takes place shortly before Jesus' crucifixion. He knows His earthly ministry is coming to term and He is hitting the high points of his teaching as a review. This one point in particular is so important that it is repeated in verse 27:

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

It is very important to control our thoughts, and in particular, it is very important to not allow troubling thoughts into our heart. His peace is supposed to fill the space that the troubling thoughts want to occupy; that would solve the first command of John 14:1, "do not allow your heart to be troubled." But it is not a fait accompli without applying the work of faith to the other two commands, believe God and believe also in Jesus.

Here is the answer on how to do that:
Rejoice in the Lord always! Philippians 4:4. Be anxious for nothing. Philippians 4:6. As Keith Moore said, "Fear is contraband for the believer."¹ In other words, fear, doubt, and troubling thoughts are prohibited under God's covenant with believers. We would not have panic attacks if we kept this covenant, if we believed the word of God fully.

One thing I have consistently prayed for Joe since his babyhood is found in Isaiah 54:14, In righteousness you will be established; You will be far from oppression, for you will not fear; And from terror, for it will not come near you. This comes three verses before the often quoted "no weapon formed against you shall prosper" phrase and forms part of the foundation for it. As a man, Joe's spirit processes troubling thoughts differently than the average storm-tossed Christian. Because of the 30+ years of tiny faith-steps that I have invested in this, our "normal" is different than what is normal for many people we associate with.  I am so used to Joe's solid foundation that I was surprised when Gwen told me that KatieLyn was hysterical. Why would she do that, especially when no one was threatening her?

I guess that is one of the lifestyle differences that KatieLyn said she could not live with. She grew up around worrywarts who would freak out over such differences, so when Joe was cooler and more collected in his thoughts, she must have believed that he didn't care. Seeing the peace of God (on someone else) often presents as "not caring" to those people who are dominated by worldly beliefs who do not understand the nature of  the peace that is the fruit of the Spirit.

In truth, there is a big, although outwardly subtle, distinction between the two kinds of "not caring."  And that distinction is made in the spirit/heart, not in the soul/emotions; which explains why it can be difficult to judge which one someone else is exhibiting. One lack-of-concern is rooted in the emotion of not giving a flying fig, but the other lack-of-concern comes from having the heart fixed on Jesus. Inside they are very different. Outside they look like twins.


The Lesson
We are given a command: Do not let your heart be troubled.  Worry is not a sign that something is important to us; it is a sign that we don't trust God and are not keeping His command. Lack of worry is not a sign that we are callous or disinterested; worry will be lacking when we obey and have peace in the Lord. 


¹Careful for Nothing sermon series, 11/20/15, 'Safe in Him,' 4:45. http://www.moorelife.org/listseries.php?xml=rss/CarefulForNothing.xml

Bird Nests

You can't prevent a bird from flying overhead, but you don't have to let it build a nest in your hair.

That is an adaptation of a Chinese proverb.  No, it is not scripture. It is what it is; so we won't look for any deep meaning but will take it at face value. At face value, it is a common sense statement.

However, birds are used as symbols in scripture. Their symbolic meaning varies with the species: the dove is identified with the Holy Spirit, a hen with safety and the gathering of her chicks, the ostrich is unmindful, the peacock displayed Solomon's wealth,  however, the devouring birds, those which snatch up seed or feast on carrion, are identified with demons and the devil.
Matthew identifies the birds of the air as "the wicked one" (Matthew 13:19).
Mark connects them with "Satan" (Mark 4:15)
Luke links them to "the devil" (Luke 8:5, 12).

In Genesis 15:11, birds of prey attempted to thwart Abraham's preparation to cut covenant with God. It is prophesied that birds will continue to live down to this foul symbolism in the future when Babylon falls and "becomes a dwelling for demons and a haunt for every impure spirit, a haunt for every unclean bird..." Revelation 18:2

As regards the proverb, "you can't prevent a bird from flying overhead," a person cannot prevent a demonic spirit from suggesting a foul, ungodly thought or putting an evil notion in his head. But he can brush it away immediately and not let it build the metaphorical nest. He can prevent his mind from becoming the home for doubts that question and undermine what the Lord has already said. Blocking the building of the nest is certainly possible.

John 14:1 says, "Do not let your hearts be troubled."  This is akin to saying don't let wicked thoughts find a home in your heart; do not let them build a nest there. Troubling thoughts come from the devil. Always. God's thoughts are peace and righteousness. Devilish thoughts are upsetting and faith-destroying. 

Not all thoughts are benign. Not all thoughts are harmless. Thoughts are not powerless. Thoughts that do not come from God are dangerous. Thoughts that come from devils are destructive and deadly.

The Lesson
A person cannot dwell in a nest of devil-inspired thoughts and still walk out God's plan for her life in faith. She won't have enough courage left to walk the path God has laid. Instead, she will run off in the middle of the night in the opposite direction, the wrong direction.

A Dimension Called Spirit

There is a dimension called Spirit that must be accepted by Faith.

Unbelief.  The Spirit of Hopelessness.  The Spirit of Fear.  The Spirit of Rebellion.  I Can't.

These are the enemies of the soul. These are enemies that enter the soul through the spiritual dimension, not the physical dimension. These are the enemies that will keep one living in the wilderness of defeat. I use "wilderness" metaphorically here, but for Caleb, it was literal.

Caleb, the son of Jephunneh, was one of the original company who had spied out the Promised Land for Moses. He reported back that an exceedingly good land. He said, "If the LORD delights in us, he will bring us into this land and give it to us, a land that flows with milk and honey."
If you've learned anything about God, you know that He delights in Faith. He wanted people of Faith to take the land. Yes, there were giants over there, but that was part of the screening process—to trust more in the Word of the Lord heard in the heart than to believe in the giants seen with physical eyes. Anyone who would do that was set up for great reward.

But what did the congregation want to do? They wanted to run back to Egypt. Do you see the parallel here? KatieLyn wanted to run back to a place that, as far as God is concerned, was no longer her home.

But Caleb tore his clothes and said, "Only do not rebel against the LORD. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will devour them. Their protection is gone, but the LORD is with us. Do not be afraid of them." Numbers 14:9

Verse 10: Then all the congregation said to stone them with stones.

Those were literal stones. The stones KatieLyn's community used were metaphorical ones: words. God saw this, of course. I imagine his attitude is consistent today with His response then. "How long will these people despise Me? How long will they not trust in Me despite all the signs I have performed among them?" For the Lord had performed many signs that KatieLyn and Joe were to be married.
Here is something: In verse 22 of Numbers 14 we are told that the Israelites had put God to the test ten times and had not listened to His voice. We know from this that God had spoken; they did not listen. And we learn that they were given TEN chances before God withdrew his offer to that generation. I think KatieLyn has used up only four or five, but each refusal hardens her a little more. If she were spiritually smart, she would stop listening to those who oppose God before her any more chances slip by.

Verse 24: But my servant Caleb, because he has a different spirit and has followed me fully, I will bring into the land into which he went, and his descendants shall possess it.

The grumblers and worrywarts had a far different fate. Verse 29: "your dead bodies shall fall in this wilderness."

There is a dimension called Spirit that must be accepted by Faith. It was the Faith of Caleb (and Joshua) that allowed them to enter the Promised Land.
Since the Creation of the Church at Pentecost, God has provided a helper for us to navigate the road of Faith. Jesus called the Holy Spirit "the Helper." "But when the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness about me." John 15:26.

Notice that Jesus calls the Holy Spirit a Helper, and not a "Does-It-for-You." I think that is one of the areas that Gwen mixed up, and therefore got KatieLyn mixed up along the way. She wanted, no, demanded to see it worked out by sight first, and then she would have believed. But Faith has never worked that way and it never will. Faith operates in the invisible spiritual dimension where it is largely unseen until after the results are produced. The only hint of Faith working before the result is seen is in the talking. Faith words do not speak of doubt and misgivings. Doubt is unbelief.

Remember the Promised Land? Hebrews 3:19 says, "and we see that they were not able to enter in because of unbelief."
They were not required to know how, or by what means, or in what manner, or any of the details. All they were to do was to walk in Faith. But to walk by faith, one must be aware of the Spirit.

The Lesson
The Faith dimension is just as real as the Flesh dimension; possibly more so, but I don't want to go off on a metaphysical tangent. We will stick to the way that scripture describes Faith.
○ John 3:31 "He who comes from above is above all, he who is of the earth is from the earth and speaks of the earth. He who comes from heaven is above all."  The Faith dimension is paired with heaven, and contrasted with the earthly.
○ 2 Corinthians 4:18 "we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." The Faith dimension is the unseen eternal, in contrast to the temporary body.
○ 2 Corinthians 5:7 "for through faith we walk, not through sight." When this verse is read in context of the entire chapter, it is clear that "sight" refers to physical senses of the body.
○ Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." In the Faith dimension, "things" are a certainty, even though they are not seen in the flesh dimension.
○ Hebrews 11:3 "By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible." Again, Faith is an unseen force.

In the next post, we will pick up here and look at man's control vs. God's role.

There is a dimension called Spirit that must be accepted by Faith.

Not received with honor and respect

I do not have a release in my spirit to publish today's blog in its entirety.

But I want to hold this spot on the list because these "lessons" are progressive, building on what came before.

Gwen made some remarks about regretting "giving permission" for Joe to propose.  She went back on her word and called giving consent a mistake.

This morning during prayer time, God told me that He had given her an answer, but she "did not receive it with honor and respect."

That is what happened, and I will forego adding to it at this time.
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and to God are thanks, who at all times is leading us in triumph in the Christ, and the fragrance of His knowledge He is manifesting through us in every place 2 Cor 2:14

Measures and Portions

Paul wrote to the Romans about heart-attitudes in a Christian's dedicated service to the Lord. By way of example, he said this:

I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. Romans 12:3

The common tendency is to consider this to be a verse that cautions about pride—and it does do that, but it also reveals this truth: God has assigned an "according" measure of faith to each. A literal translation says it this way: God has "allotted" to each a measure of faith.  Let's keep reading. In verse 6 there is this:

Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith...

Paul goes on with his list of different gifts, but catch the way they are used— according to the proportion of his faith.  He is talking about apportionment here. God provides equal faith for salvation, but after that there are different assignments according to God's plan. Beyond salvation, your faith level depends on your hearing, your choices, and your acting on what God has said. After saving faith, not all faith is equal.

People who are faithful in a little will have more added to them. For examples of the way God works this out, see the parables of the servants who were entrusted with something of value in Luke 19:11-26 and Matthew 25:14-30.  The two parables have slight differences because they were records from different times when Jesus preached, but their message is similar; when you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones and God expands your opportunities. When you do nothing with what God gives you or bury a blessing in the ground, it displeases God.

It is also important to note that the apportionment of faith varies with the gifts and the calling. It is common to have stronger faith is some areas, especially areas related to your gifts and callings, while in other areas your faith may be undeveloped or underdeveloped. This is another reason why it is important to keep fellowship with the body of Christ that is in unity to "fill in the holes" in your own faith. It is one of the strengths of a godly marriage for one partner's faith to complement the other's faith in different areas.

As an aside, this explains why it is often easier to receive healing in a large meeting where many who have strong faith for healing are present, but then later when a person is alone, if they have not acted on and built up the faith that brought their healing, the devil can sometimes be successful in stealing their faith by teasing them with new symptoms and causing them to entertain doubts, 'Was I really healed?' and they let go of their healing.
You can see the pattern; it is a standard devilish mode of operation: (a) a goal is obtained by faith, (b) then challenged by the devil, and (c) then you have the choice between believing what God said or believing what the devil is making things look like. Believe God, keep your healing; believe the devilish symptoms, lose it and then you get an opportunity to receive your bonus problem: a hardened prideful heart. And receiving that prideful heart is easy, just scoff at the healing preacher! (Whose only role in the first place was being a conduit or vessel; Jesus is the Healer.)

Now, back from my digression—the quantity of and the areas in which we have faith are determined by multiple variables. Our prayer life, our consistency in our relationship with the Lord, our knowledge of the Word, our calling, our gifting, our heart condition, our willingness to act, and other things affect the qualities of our faith. Even when we have faith, if we do not act on it, it can die. "…faith without works is dead." James 2:26

Realizing this, we can understand a lot of what happened with the runaway bride.

Faith is apportioned according to your history of faithfulness and your assignment. Gwen was not "assigned" to get married, so it makes complete sense that God would not have apportioned any faith to her for that. As mother of the runaway, she has her own relationship with the Lord to tend to, and her role was to pursue that, not to stick herself into the middle of her daughter's relationships.

Because of the codependency, Gwen seemed to want a vicarious wedding experience of her own. We see this in the way she was reading her daughter's email and in the nits she was picking. The Lord was not going to give her that; her role was different—important, but different. This is the reason that she was experiencing doubts and misgivings. She was basically, searching amiss. cf James 4:3 "You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss…"  Gwen was looking out for Gwen's family, not for KatieLyn's family. She was deceived and did not realize that God made a distinction between the two.

Because Gwen wasn't getting any answer, in her panic she spread her fear to KatieLyn. KatieLyn had been given a measure of faith that she would need for her marriage. At the beginning, she knew that God had picked Joe for her husband. It was her responsibility to nurture that faith, to grow it, and to praise God for it. Instead, she listened to her mother, which would normally be a very good thing except that the screwy codependency was making her mom react in fear rather than faith. Fear eats faith. If the faith is not strong enough to drive out the fear, then the fear will quickly gobble up the little faith that is left. The way to get out of fear is to get into faith. It is a choice of the will and does not depend on feelings, in fact, it often runs contrary to feelings. This is why you must know God well.

When KatieLyn started listening to voices that questioned what God had told her, the thing she needed was to be inspired to walk in faith, but instead she was fed things that made her flee in fear. She cannot really blame her mom for this. According to the Bible, God had provided the measure of faith she needed, but she chose to listen to the doubts instead of casting her care on Him and deciding that she would trust Him, even in the face of her mother's disapproval.

The Lesson
Cutting those apron strings with mom is probably one of the biggest challenges that KatieLyn had ever faced, and she failed her faith test at this go-round. She was like the servant of the parable who buried what God gave her. Not everything that happens is God's will. It was not God's will for His gift to be buried; that is plain from the parable because in Matthew 25:26 the servant is judged as being "slothful" with what had been entrusted to him. KatieLyn did not exert the faith to keep her bridegroom.


(I do not have to be a psychic to see that the devil still holds one more card that he can play at his pleasure. He can rip their codependency the minute that it does not serve him anymore.)

Hebrews - Holding Fast the Confession of Hope

The last three posts have established that (a) the devil meant to separate KatieLyn from her faith in God's plan for her marriage; (b) the devil's scheme was enabled by her mother for a variety of reasons; (c) then, like Eve in the Garden of Eden, who had once clearly known what God said to her, KatieLyn considered the lie and let go of her faith.

Today, we are going to look at the book of Hebrews to discover some of the things that could have helped her win her fight and save a husband. We will begin in Chapter 3:

Therefore, holy brothers, you who share in a heavenly calling, consider Jesus, the apostle and high priest of our confession... Hebrews 3:1

Jesus is the apostle (a delegate sent forth with orders), and the high priest (our representative in the heavenly sanctuary where he continually intercedes on our behalf) of our words, of what we confess and say.
Jesus, our officially commissioned messenger, will intercede on behalf of our confession—our words. We have to give Him something to work with. He is not going to be able to support doubt and faithless prayer. Sometimes when you don't "feel like" God is answering your prayer, the blunt truth is, yeah, you're right, He isn't. He isn't answering because it was not asked in faith. Here is the scriptural support:
James 4:3  When you do ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives...
James 1:6, 7  But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord.
Proverbs 1:28, 29  Then they will call on me, but I will not answer; They will seek me diligently but they will not find me, Because they ... did not choose the fear of the Lord.
These verses offer three interlinked reasons, three sides of the same triangle: wrong motive, no faith, no respect for who God is and what God said.

A few weeks after KatieLyn, the runaway bride, ran off into the night, she posted on her blog—

Keep God always at the forefront, in all areas of your life. Sadly, I put mine (sic) and Joes (sic) relationship ahead of my relationship with God and that was my biggest mistake, a good healthy relationship should be leading you closer to God, not distracting you from Him.

There is a critically important lesson here in how Satan works and how he subtly twists the truth. KatieLyn was still deceived at the time she wrote this.  A God-given relationship is not, of and in itself, going to distract a person from God. It is irrational to assert that God is gives bad gifts that sidetrack a person from honoring Him and His plan for their life! In Joe's case, the engagement relationship led him much closer to the Lord as he dug into the Bible and studied how to be a good husband. It was KatieLyn's doubting what God told her that distanced her from God. It was her doubting words that went counter to what God had already said that's the culprit here.

Can you see how the enemy begins with an irrefutable statement like "keep God always at the forefront" to program the mind to agree to what comes next? A "healthy" relationship would have led KatieLyn closer to God, but the reason the relationship became unhealthy for her was because she was doubting what He'd told her! Her biggest mistake was only remotely connected with prioritizing relationships; her biggest mistake was listening to the voices that said God's plan for her life might not work, because these voices robbed her of her faith. Once that was gone, she did not know what to believe!

It was at this point that Satan, the Adversary of godly marriage, pulled out his ace and played it masterfully.  It went like this:

"Marriage is forever. Both parties need to be 100% sure. It's the only vow God allows us to make. If someone is having doubts, the marriage should not go forth." ~ Gwen

 Can you see how devilishly the truth is twisted through this narrative? We are not Mormon; this isn't celestial marriage we are talking about. It is not "forever." It is until death do us part. And one must be 100% sure about what? Sure about happily ever after? Sure about their "feelings?" I do not know what the "100% sure" is in regard to, but I do know one thing Gwen did not mean when she said that; by word and action she proved that she did not mean "all you need is to be 100% sure that God meant what He said." So the single most important thing to be sure about is not what she was referring to. The marriage vow is not the "only" vow that God "allows" us to make. It is not even the only one He expects us to keep. And if someone is having doubts... whom did she mean? the mother of the runaway?
Poor KatieLyn! Her mom had invested six months throwing around doubts, sometimes subtly, sometimes spoon-fed, sometimes aggressively argumentative, whatever felt good. And how was KatieLyn  robbed of her faith until she didn't know what to believe any more? She caught the doubt.

Hook.   Line.   Sinker.

The only winner here was the devil.

Going back to what KatieLyn wrote in her blog about about a healthy relationship leading a person closer to God, if her relationship with her mother had been healthy and given its proper place, then her mother would have known that KatieLyn heard from God, and Gwen would have supported KatieLyn in pursuing His will. That kind of  support would have helped KatieLyn have a closer relationship with the Lord.  But what KatieLyn has instead is an unhealthy codependency that questioned her ability to hear God and actively prevented her from knowing the blessings He was giving her.

Hebrews 3:14  For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end.
The Holman Bible says, "... if we hold firmly until the end the reality that we had at the start." Holding on to what you heard from God, not letting it slip, and running with endurance are on-going themes in the successful fight of faith. When faith runs out, people become quitters. No one ever accidentally lost a relationship, but many have quit and walked away. Or in KatieLyn's case, quit and ran. 
Demoralization and disheartenment are found in the devil's armory. Like 'doubt' that was discussed earlier, they also attack faith.  But instead of creating confusion and a chaotic mind, they leave their victims in despair, and over time despair may develop into depression. Fighting the good fight of faith can be hard, but losing the fight is often harder. 

Hebrews 4:14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 
Once again we see Jesus in the role of High Priest as it connects to our confession. Again we see the link between the words that we say and the strength of our faith.  Confessing weakness and failure magnifies the adversary above the Father. Words spoken in fear destroy your own confidence in God's Word. We must learn to "Talk Faith" if we want to win the fight. As 1 John 5:4 says, "For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world— our faith."

Hebrews 10:21-23 "...and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. 
Details are added when the same concept is underscored in chapter 10. Faith talk does not fuss or fret; it holds fast the unwavering declaration of the hope. Faith does not have misgivings. Faith words do not stew and talk defeat; they praise and believe. 

The Lesson
 It may be far easier said than done, but the basics are quite simple: Hold Fast; Talk Faith.

 

What is a Faith Fight, anyway?

The "Faith Fight" is a battle not of bullets and bombs but of thoughts and words.

This command I entrust to you, Timothy, my son, in accordance with the prophecies previously made concerning you, that by them you fight the good fight, keeping faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and suffered shipwreck in regard to their faith.
1 Timothy 1:18, 19

The Greek word for prophecies used in the New Testament refers to divinely inspired declarations. They reveal the purpose of God and could take the form of an encouragement, an admonition, or could reveal wisdom; they may foretell the future, but the definition is not limited to that function. The point here is that Paul was talking about an earlier discourse or speech, and Timothy is being instructed to fight using those words and ideas.

But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons.
1 Timothy 4:1

Later on in the same letter, Paul told Timothy that the faith fight is lost by paying attention to
deceitful spirits and lying philosophies.

Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who testified the good confession before Pontius Pilate.
1 Timothy 6:12, 13

Again, this time in Chapter 6, Paul urges Timothy to fight the good fight of faith. This time he gives an example of how Jesus fought the fight of faith with Pilate: with a testimony of good confession. If you want to look that up, it is in John 18:28-38, but the reason I am pointing it out here is that Faith comes by hearing the anointed word, but the fight is won by speaking the anointed word. "Anointed" means to be poured over and rubbed in, that is, in this context, you use words that are permeated with the Holy Spirit. Finding these words is not a mysterious secret. Scripture is Holy Ghost inspired, so any "whosoever" promise found in the Bible can be used in the fight, as can the promises made specifically to believers. The things God shows you during prayer time can be used in the fight of faith, although, these things must agree with established scripture because the adversary will tell you things while disguised as "an angel of light." cf 2 Corinthians 11:14.

The "Fight of Faith" is fought with words that have the Holy Spirit poured over then and rubbed into them; anointed words. If it was food instead of words, we'd call it marinated. To help explain, we can contrast the spiritual with the fleshly.

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
Romans 8:6-8

It is worth noting that this passage is not about being born again or salvation of the soul; it is about the mindset. There are many carnal Christians who do not have their minds renewed, and even those who have renewed minds in some areas are still works in progress in other areas. cf Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

During the engagement period, Gwen's mind was thinking in conformity with the world. We knew this by the way she was talking about material things—by her words. Practically all of her criticisms had to do with fleshly material things, and the mind set on the flesh is hostile to the will, the ways, and the word of God.

The weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:4, 5

I've used a lot of scripture in this post, but it was essential to establish the Bible-based foundation. One's heart-attitude toward the Word of God means everything in the good fight of faith. We must cast aside our fleshly reasoning and our head knowledge and place ourselves in agreement with what God says. We must bring captive every thought of our own that opposes God. Those who falsely think God is in control will not resist the thoughts that the enemy brings; more often, they think that it is wise to consider all these possibilities. They allow their own reason to take the place of God's Word because acting on that Word of God does not appeal to their senses; they are uncomfortable with it and it feels like fanaticism to them. God's Word never fails, but human reasoning often does.

The Lesson
A faith fight is conducted via confession with words.
• Confessing anointed words in faith establishes "Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." (from the Lord's Prayer, cf Matthew 6:9-13)
• Confessing human reasoning that opposes God gives worldly results.
• Confessing fears can result in destruction. You become trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth. cf Proverbs 6:2
Our confession affirms what we believe.  

How KatieLyn Let Go of Her Faith

Satan destroys faith because without faith, it is impossible to please God. If he cannot get a believer to reject faith in Jesus' blood sacrifice for one's salvation, then he'll go for the next-best attack to steal faith for every other blessing.

So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ. Romans 10:17
It doesn't get any more simply put that that. If you want to find faith, hear the anointed word of God. Faith is lost by listening to the lie.

This is how Eve lost faith in God's word—she listened to the lie of the serpent. Then she believed the serpent. It is how the Israelites lost faith in the destiny that the Lord had for them—they listened to the devil's lying whisperings that they could not defeat the giants in the land. Then they believed they could not. And this is how KatieLyn let go of her faith after the Lord told her who she was to marry—she listened to the lie. Then she believed the lie. Then she acted on the lie.

KatieLyn lost faith because she listened to a lie. If she had listened to the truth, she would have been free and open about it. But exactly like Eve, who was deceived by the lie and then tried to hide behind fig leaves, KatieLyn was deceived by a lie and tried to hide. The very fact that she was so desperate to hide adds credence to the statement that she believed a lie.

The Bible has a wealth of instruction on how to deal with such situations. It tells both what to do to keep from being taken in by a lie and what can be done to find a path to restoration if it has already happened. It is a spiritual warfare.

We have renounced secret and shameful ways. We do not practice deceit, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by open proclamation of the truth, we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. 2 Corinthians 4:2

Based on this verse, step #1 is to renounce, reject, and remove oneself from the hidden dishonesty. Step #2 is to not walk in deceit nor falsify the word of God. Step #3 is by clearly setting forth the truth, commend yourself to everyone's conscience in the sight of God. There is really no way to bypass this process. The alternative is life in a second-rate holding pattern which requires very little faith and, correspondingly, pleases God very little.

It was a lie to believe that this marriage, which God was bringing together in a long listing of both spiritual works and physically observable ways, was not the right thing. It was a lie to believe that marriage is built on perfectly matched family lifestyles. It was a baseless lie for KatieLyn to say that Joe would grow to hate her. Now she is telling herself another lie: that she is happier being single. Singlehood was not the dream that the Lord placed in her heart. Besides, it goes against two scriptures:

Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." KatieLyn had wanted to be a helpmeet since her childhood. Do you think that a few days before the wedding God said, "Oops! I've been giving this woman the wrong dream for the past quarter century! I should have her call this off!"
No, I don't think that happened.

"Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. Do you think that a few days before the wedding God said," On second thought, I realize that Gwen needs a helper more than Joe does. I should have KatieLyn call this wedding off!"
No, I don't think that happened either. 

The devil meant to separate KatieLyn from her faith because he knew this would become a strong Christian marriage unless he stopped it. The way the devil often works is to first whisper lying thoughts and ideas. If you reject them as the lies that they are, his next step is usually to enlist the "support" of friends and trusted loved ones. The devil does not have a very big playbook; he is fairly predictable in his mechanizations. If he can't accomplish them directly, he uses people who are close to you. In KatieLyn's case, her mom was already a bit jealous and offended; plus, she was vacillating because she didn't really like what God was doing. Because Gwen wasn't "all in" with agreeing with God, she was the easiest person for Satan to recruit to help separate KatieLyn from her faith in God's plan.

KatieLyn began to listen to thoughts that went crosswise with both the scriptures and the witness of the Holy Spirit. She grew to have more faith in failure than she had in hearing God's plan. After she ran away, she started to claim that she had not put God first; that was true. However, she also said that Joe had drawn her away from God, and that is a big lie that she fell for. Joe did nothing but encourage her to get closer to God. It was the lies she believed that were separating her from God. KatieLyn threw away her faith in marriage, and then she threw away Joe.

KatieLyn desperately needed support in her life that encouraged her to follow God's plan. She was getting that from Joe, of course, but her mom was putting an "ulterior motives" spin on everything that was freaking KatieLyn out. Basically, Gwen didn't fully trust Joe, his family, or his friends, and she was sowing that fear into her daughter. She played their codependency like a violin; always giving KatieLyn enough freedom to fail on her own, but not enough assurance to stand on her own.

The Lesson
In some ways, I can look at the events as a test. Failing the test meant that even at 29 years old, KatieLyn wasn't emotionally strong enough to cut the apron strings and break free of the codependency. The really tragic part of it is that pre-runaway, the codependency had seemed to be a mild case. If you had asked me to describe it last spring, I'd have said the mother/daughter relationship seemed a little odd because at times Gwen treated her daughter in a way that would be age-appropriate if she were still fourteen, but I also thought that once KatieLyn moved out of her parent's house and gained confidence as a wife that things would get better. I would have called it a "slightly unhealthy" relationship.
Ask me today, post-runaway, and I will tell you that it is "deeply dysfunctional." Gwen read all her daughter's email and tried to use that to intimidate me. I found the whole triangulation thing to be bizarre. Gwen wrote to me saying my request that her daughter take responsibility for returning the wedding gifts which had been sent to my house had "cemented" KatieLyn's attitude that I was "mean" and that I "ought to remember that for next time." That rant struck me as Gwen's being rather deranged. I would love to see KatieLyn get out of her parent's house and into her own apartment.

My next post will describe the Fight of Faith in more detail, and the following post will function as a 'Part Two' to this one by taking a look at the book of Hebrews to see what it says about spiritual warfare that KatieLyn could have done—if she had wanted to stand firm in God's plan for her victory. 

How Gwen Lost the Good Fight of Faith

The "good fight of faith" referred to in the title is found in 1 Timothy 6:12

Fight the good fight of faith and win the eternal life to which you were called and for which you made your noble profession of faith before many witnesses. (Catholic Bible online)

Exert all your strength in the honourable struggle for the faith; lay hold of the Life of the Ages, to which you were called, when you made your noble profession of faith before many witnesses. (Weymouth translation)

I gave two translations. I chose the Catholic Bible because KatieLyn's family has Catholic roots, although she now attends a Baptist church. I chose the Weymouth translation because, even though it uses British English of the 1800s, it has a reputation for being good with tricky Greek idioms. So whether you call it a 'good fight' or an 'honourable struggle,' I wanted the reader to see that Paul called it a battle, a conflict, a fight, when he wrote to Timothy. In fact, when writing to the church at Philippi, he indicated that the faith fight was common to all believers and that he, Paul, continued to struggle himself. So this is not any insult or name calling on my part; it is part of the package that comes with being a believer. Gwen lost one of her big battles, and this lesson from the runaway bride is going to partially explain what went wrong.

Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. ~ Ephesians 6:13

Notice that the verse says that we stand against the "schemes of" the devil, not the devil himself. Other translations choose different synonyms for schemes: wiles, tactics, stratagems, artifices, ruses. They ALL involve deceit. Count on it. The devil is going to try to deceive believers in order to stop God's plan on the earth. That is who he is and what he does. He tried deceiving Joe, but Joe stood against it.¹ He tried deceiving the codependents, Gwen and KatieLyn, and was successful. Because Gwen was the dominant figure in the codependency, the devil began his scheming with her. Gwen was useful in getting KatieLyn to reject the plan that the Lord had revealed to her.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against (a) the rulers/principalities, against (b) the powers/authorities, against the (c) world forces of this darkness, against the (d) spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.  ~ Ephesians 6:12 

 Paul identified four categories of dark spirits. This is not a blog about demonology, but we do need to acknowledge that the Bible says that these entities exist and that our battle is against their schemes and tactics. The (d) evil spirits in the heavenly places are often understood to be fallen angels. The other three are found on earth and Satan uses them to control the world. The (c) dark forces of this world dominate the unsaved and can possess humans. Believers most commonly encounter demons at the lower (a) first level, archē in the Greek, principalities in the King James, means the principal or starting level; and (b) exousia in the Greek, a level of authority to influence, including making choices. These malevolent spirits are assigned to bring deceptive thoughts, ideas, suggestions, feelings, and temptations against us continually. Failure to put on the armor and resist the archē level results in oppression, a background of disquiet. Failure to put on the armor and stand against the exousia level typically presents as an obsession when a person becomes preoccupied with a thought.

When a demon does an effective job carrying out his assignment, his targeted person will fail to recognize the source of that thought and believe it came from his/her own intelligence. In such cases, the deception is complete and they totally believe the lie is true. If the wicked spirit is only partially effective, his subject will have doubts and become confused about what is true/false. If a believer fails to put on the full armor of God and resist the devil, the demonic spirit will keep coming back with more actions to strengthen the deception, often involving relationships with others who are also deceived and can be supportive in promulgating the lie.

The devil is real and has assigned his cohorts to destroy a believer's faith because without faith, it is impossible to please God. cf Hebrews 11:6.  A demon may not be able to possess believers outright, but he can mislead them into a position where they are incapable of pleasing God, thereby robbing them of additional blessings.

The purpose of the armor of God is to assist in standing against demonic deceptions. It is beyond the scope of this blog to go into a deep teaching of the armor at this time. This lesson from the runaway bride is focusing more on 'how Gwen lost' than on what tools she should have used to stand against the devil.

God speaks; He will reveal His will. Yes, the ways of God can be mysterious, and they will be mysterious for at least two classes of people: those who neglect to ask and those who have hardened their hearts. Nonetheless, God has obligated Himself to provide for your needs, including what you need to know to take the next step of faith. Ignorance of that is not a good excuse. God speaks; some hear but don't like it. When we do not readily agree with God, we become demon bait. cf Mark 4:15, 'when they hear, immediately Satan comes and takes away the word.' Gwen's behavior has shown that she was not willing to cheerfully agree with God.

God tried to tell Gwen his plan for her daughter, but she did not like what was said. When the demons started putting faith-stealing thoughts in her head, she failed to identify them as such. She was deceived into believing that it was smart and perceptive to doubt what God had revealed to her daughter. Pride kicked in: "Surely you are wiser and more experienced than your daughter," came the whispered half-truth from hell; "You need to protect your daughter from her naiveté." And Gwen agreed, "That's right!"
More thoughts came. The demons told her that online dating cannot be trusted, and she said, "That's right!" But God can and has used the internet to put people in contact.
They told her that she was getting cheated out of wedding planning because KatieLyn was going to be married in a different state, and she said, "That's right!" But no one was out to cheat her; there were solid logistical and financial reasons to make that choice.
The demons told her that KatieLyn's allergies were not compatible with Joe's dogs, and she said, "That's right!" But that wasn't her problem, and God knew about the dogs when He made His plan.
The demons told Gwen a lot of things that she liked to hear, even though they all opposed God's will for this marriage, and she said, "That's right!"
She used these thoughts to pick fights with her daughter, grinding down KatieLyn's faith until she also became confused.

The Lesson
KatieLyn, because of the codependency with her mom, never fully questioned what was behind it all. She trusted her mother to have her best interests at heart, and her mother was near total deception herself, happily rationalizing that she was doing the right thing to protect her daughter. Gwen never took up the armor of God and resisted. She cast away her confidence in what the Lord had told her daughter, cf Hebrews 10:35. She had lost the faith fight by never arming against it in the first place. In fact, she ended up supporting the opposition.

In my next post, I will discuss further how Gwen became an accomplice in separating KatieLyn from her own faith.

 ¹ Joe had some experience with how this works. He had been the best man in two other weddings and knew that devil-sent jitters were to be expected, and he knew to cast down those imaginations.

Stumbling Off the Ancient Path

Thus says the LORD: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’ And I set watchmen over you, saying, "Attend to the sound of the shofar." But they said, 'We will not attend.'

In these two verses, God is explaining why He is displeased, indeed, why He is about to act with vengeance. He had told them how to find the good road, the right path for life, but they would not walk there. He had even set watchmen, others who had been looking so that if someone had not heard the Lord directly he would get the warning to listen from a person who did know the path. But they would not listen to them either.

In fact. When we back up a couple of verses, we find that the people had put a superficial patch on the problem, announced they had solved it, and were not in the least bit ashamed that they were still in full-fledged rebellion and out of God's will. "They have healed also the hurt of the daughter of my people slightly, saying, Peace, peace; when there is no peace." Verse 14

Jeremiah penned these lines to a patriarchal society that better understood the significance of following godly traditions. Today, we no longer live in a society that holds a God-is-Father view to help keep us on "the ancient paths where the good way is." Few people have a strong father who is deeply engaged in their lives to whom they can look for guidance and the comfort of encouragement.

And even though KatieLyn came from an intact Christian family, she still did not have a father figure who knew the marked train, was ready to show her how to follow the path, and who would give her the security of reassurance she needed to walk it out.

Instead of receiving what she needed from her father, the inspiration to walk in faith, she was assailed with the doubts and concerns that could not build her up, but would surely weaken her ability to trust others and to trust even herself.

One thing that I have come to realize as I worked through the saga of the runaway bride is that Gwen never trusted Joe, not fully. Not even largely. I have come to suspect that she projected a lot of her own bad experience onto Joe. She told me that her early years of marriage were a struggle. Her daughter's story bears little resemblance to Gwen's own story, but I never saw Gwen make that distinction. It bothered Joe quite a bit when Gwen just unquestionably anticipated that as newlyweds, he and KatieLyn would fight a lot. 

Every healthy relationship begins with hoping for the best. Far from being "smart" to look for problems, it is downright devilish and perverse. It is like opening the door wide and inviting the devil in.  Paul wrote to the Philippians, "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things." 4:8  It is this kind of well-speaking that builds up good relationships.

Fixating on what can go wrong is among the fastest ways to destroy a relationship. Lies and betrayal might top it, but not by much because constantly imagining problems eventually create an atmosphere as toxic as the problem itself.

Yet that was the parental leadership that KatieLyn received! To consume the mind with potential problems! KatieLyn's self-image was pretty frail to begin with; Gwen had to know that knocking out her daughter's trust in having heard the Lord would do her in.  

Trust is central to a good relationship. In fact, no relationship can grow beyond its level of trust. In a codependency, trust is like Swiss cheese with pockets and holes. Gwen's trust in KatieLyn was very solid in some areas, but in other ways she treated her like a 14-year-old child. That was the thing that stuck with me the first time I saw KatieLyn and her mom together: that they interacted as if KatieLyn was still a young teenager. I was a touch dumbstruck because, to me, the hallmark of good parenting is being able to release adult children, who you can trust with your life, into the world and see them thrive. 

Wrapping back to the original scripture for this post, God was announcing his wrath for Israel's chronic disobedience and refusal to follow His plan. Surely the Lord cannot be pleased that KatieLyn was discouraged from following His will for her life. Today's lesson from the runaway bride illustrates the truth of Galatians 5:9—

A little yeast leavens the whole lump of dough. 

In the case of the runaway bride, the yeast was Gwen's failure to trust that Her daughter could hear the Lord's answer to prayer. Her yeast infected KatieLyn. KatieLyn then lost her trust in what she had heard from the Lord. The leaven continued its work as it damaged Joe's trust in KatieLyn.

Gwen can look around at the rising devastation that she began with her leaven of doubt and reassure herself by musing, 'See what a mess this is? The marriage never would have worked! I was right to have doubts.' But that thought did not come from the Lord. It isn't true. The recalcitrant Israelites had a superficial fix and false peace that appeared to work for a while, but appearances are often deceiving. Looking to what is seen in the flesh instead of trusting the Lord's answer is what allowed the doubts to enter in the first place.  In Jeremiah 6:21 the judgment is announced; Therefore this is what the LORD says: "I will put stumbling blocks before this people. Parents and children alike will stumble over them."

KatieLyn was poised on the ancient path, where the good way is; and she was ready to walk in it, and find rest for her soul. But then she stopped trusting her faith and said, ‘I will not walk in it.’

The Lesson
It is not a new path. It is an ancient path because God does not change. The Lord expected Adam to have faith in Him from the very beginning. To walk the ancient path is a walk of faith. 

Quick List • Reasons People Do Not or Cannot Hear God

Doubting
The act of doubting implies that the truth has been presented. (That makes sense because you first have to have something to doubt!) A person who doubts becomes his own stumbling block. Entertaining doubts keeps the mind noisy as it tries to figure things out in the flesh. God is Spirit and speaks to your spirit. If you haven't quieted your mind, you probably won't hear God when He whispers to your spirit. James 1:6, 7 says that a man who doubts ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord.

Stubborn Attitude
The eighth verse of Psalm 32 promises that God will give direction, but the ninth verse clues us in that being stubborn or wanting to act with a mind of our own will keep us from being able to get understanding. 
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Be not like a mule…

Strife Among the Brethren
Strife is heated dissension, arguments, and competition between rivals. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. James 3:16  Wherever strife exists, people are not listening, and if they are not listening, they are not going to hear God or anyone else. This is why demons like to provoke Christians into fighting with each other.

Hard Hearts
Hard hearts are different than stubborn attitudes in a couple ways. An attitude is a choice, while hard hardheartedness is a callousness that has built up over time. A stubborn person could still hear God if they were willing to change their attitude. God is spirit and speaks to your heart. The spiritual ears of a hardhearted person no longer function; they have no faith. "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts." Hebrews 4:7

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The Lesson
On New Year's Day, KatieLyn was not doubting the Lord. She did not have a stubborn attitude. She was not yet in strife with her mom. Her heart was soft and ready to listen to God. And she heard Him clearly when the Lord placed His witness in her spirit that Joe was to be her husband. But hearing alone does not bring success; one must walk out what was heard. 

Hey Jude ♦ Judging Doctrine

Jude is a short book, but it packs a wallop. It was written to those who are the called, loved by God the Father, and kept by Jesus Christ. The letter is an appeal to "contend earnestly for the faith" because some people in the church, (by then established for 30-some years,) were perverting the grace of God to do whatever they wanted. Furthermore, they were denying the Lordship of Jesus. The first half of the letter gives warnings and examples—God has judged in the past, and He will judge again. The second half of the letter tells how to contend for the faith, and in doing so, it also shows how to identify bad doctrine.

I am not attempting to do a comprehensive exposition here. I am picking the parts that are relevant to the runaway bride. I will be using the ESV (English Standard Version®) translation. 

Verse 8 - Yet in like manner these people also, relying on their dreams, defile the flesh, reject authority, and blaspheme the glorious ones. 'Dreams' may well hold a dual meaning here. At this point in church history, there were some who looked to their literal nighttime dreams for guidance. The Greek root word suggests a "middle voice," and in a broader sense this would be not your voice and not God's voice, but a middle voice that speaks fantasies, illusions, and what we often call daydreams. One of the results of looking to dreams or listening to the imaginings suggested by the 'middle voice' is a rejection of authority. KatieLyn, the runaway bride, did not speak much about the time that she was entertaining these thoughts, but we all know that in the end she rejected the authority of the witness that Jesus had given her on New Year's Day, that Joe was to be her husband. Bad doctrine moves people away from what God says and into what the world is saying.

Verse 10 - But these people blaspheme all that they do not understand, and they are destroyed by all that they, like unreasoning animals, understand instinctively. I never heard KatieLyn slandering what she did not understand, but her mother Gwen spoke against those things she didn't know. She used her mouth to paint imaginations of the newlyweds fighting about money in front of their friends and that Joe's friends were going to team up against KatieLyn. All of that is utterly ridiculous. Gwen did not know that; she was instinctively projecting her own past onto her daughter's future, and it was disrespectful. If KatieLyn were 3 years old, anyone could easily see that it is abusive parenting to scare your child into doing what you want them to do. However, with KatieLyn going on 30, people expect her to not fall for it. And a well-adjusted adult child would not, but when bound with the apron strings of codependency, she did. A lack of respect is a sure sign of wrong doctrine.

Verse 12 - These are hidden reefs at your love feasts, as they feast with you without fear, shepherds feeding themselves; waterless clouds, swept along by winds; fruitless trees in late autumn, twice dead, uprooted.  Neither KatieLyn nor her mother fit the persons described in this verse, but there were clear indications that they'd taken a step or two in this direction. Most telling was the way that wedding finances were handled between KatieLyn and her parents. Gwen would vacillate; she would want to look generous but end up being the shepherd who, didn't really feed herself first, but who parsimoniously rationed out the pantry. And when KatieLyn broke faith, Gwen demanded that Joe get the refunds and returns done. Gwen also spouted off the occasional "swept along by winds" arrogance, such as when she mocked the idea that we heard the Lord, "maybe He did (say that), just not for the reasons you may have originally thought."  She is not a fruitless tree in late autumn, but her doctrine and attitudes are off-kilter enough to affect the harvest.

Verse 16 - These are grumblers, malcontents, following their own sinful desires; they are loud-mouthed boasters, showing favoritism to gain advantage. Again we have a verse which, fortunately, is not a perfect match but in which were steps in that direction. Gwen wasn't a boaster and she didn't use flattery to manipulate, but the grumbling and fault-finding when she wasn't getting things her way was a major factor. When you see discontented grumblers walking according to their desires, it is a sign of wrong doctrine.

Moving further into the worldly way of thinking, a lack of reverence for God and showing disrespect to others, being self-centered, and murmuring when you don't get your own way—these are all signs of wrong doctrine. They are all things that lead to destruction and stop the will of God from being performed on earth.

I was brushed off and pushed out; and so was God. Apparently, that is okay with the brushers and pushers because "God has something better for us." (cough) I would be hard-pressed to think up a sillier deception. Gwen and KatieLyn did not have enough faith to act on the first answer to KatieLyn's prayer. Surely they can't expect me to believe that they suddenly have enough faith to believe that God has something better!  No, that attitude is brimming with impertinence and disrespect for the Lord.  KatieLyn ran away from what the Lord revealed to her, and Gwen never trusted in Him the first place, and without faith it is impossible to please God, (Hebrews 11:6).

It is rather presumptuous to think the Lord is so pleased that he is going to give them something better, not without repentance. The way that the kingdom of God typically works is from faith to faith, (Romans1:17). That is, the first step is faith, and then the next step is faith—from beginning to end, it works by faith. Rewards of something better are not doled out for running away or entertaining doubt. Just because I have forgiven them for being faithless does not mean that I have lost my ability to identify their self-serving platitudes. That attitude, that we'll get something better, is exactly what the Book of Jude was written to address: the evil of perverting the grace of God so that you can do what you want.

 17 But you must remember, beloved, the predictions of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ. 18 They said to you, “In the last time there will be scoffers, following their own ungodly passions.” 19 It is these who cause divisions, worldly people, devoid of the Spirit. 20 But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, 21 keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. 22 And have mercy on those who doubt;
~ Jude

It is a matter of degrees. I once told myself that I don't know anyone as wicked as the people named in Jude: Cain, who killed his brother; Balaam, who betrayed his nation for money; or Korah, upon whom God sent heavenly fire, wiping out the rebellion of 250 co-conspirators. And yet, these same evils, just in lesser amounts, stopped a God-ordained marriage.

I was told, "Just move on." But it was not the Spirit of God who said that. It was Gwen. So I didn't. If I had just moved on then, God would not have gotten any glory out of it. If I just let it go and moved on, I would not be contending for the faith. The only person my just moving on would have benefited was Gwen. I needed to explore what happened. I found depravity just below the surface. I found disrespect for the Lord. I found self-centeredness. I found that the same kind of murmuring that kept the Israelites from entering their promised land kept KatieLyn from entering her Beulah land.

The Lesson
It is important to judge doctrine because that can keep you from misplacing faith in the wrong thing. The night that KatieLyn ran off, she switched the placement of her faith to a deceptive doctrine.

Trusting in Chariots

6Now I know that the LORD saves His anointed; He will answer him from His holy heaven with the saving strength of His right hand. 7Some trust in chariots and some in horses, But we will boast in the name of the LORD, our God. 8They have bowed down and fallen, But we have risen and stood upright.…
~ Psalm 20

The title of today's post, "Trusting in Chariots," refers to relying on things other than God. In the section of Psalm 20, quoted above, some are trusting in chariots and others are relying on horses. In contemporary society, our chariots are money, education, science & technology, government programs, the people we have made into idols, and often, even ourselves. In the case of the runaway bride, KatieLyn had trusted in her mother more than she relied on the Lord. She had, in effect, turned her mother into her idol.

KatieLyn's solution, running away, won't work over the long haul. It never will. Her mother cannot meet all her needs the way that the Lord had wanted to meet her desires.

It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. Psalm 118:8

But don't take my word for it. Let's look at the Bible's ULTIMATE FAIL for putting confidence in man: the Tower of Babel. The story is so short, I can post the entire account here from The Message paraphrase, Genesis, Chapter 11.

1 At one time, the whole Earth spoke the same language.
2 It so happened that as they moved out of the east, they came upon a plain in the land of Shinar and settled down.
3 They said to one another, "Come, let's make bricks and fire them well." They used brick for stone and tar for mortar.
4 Then they said, "Come, let's build ourselves a city and a tower that reaches Heaven. Let's make ourselves famous so we won't be scattered here and there across the Earth."
5 God came down to look over the city and the tower those people had built.
6 God took one look and said, "One people, one language; why, this is only a first step. No telling what they'll come up with next — they'll stop at nothing!
7 Come, we'll go down and garble their speech so they won't understand each other."
8 Then God scattered them from there all over the world. And they had to quit building the city.
9 That's how it came to be called Babel, because there God turned their language into "babble."

The people were putting their faith in their own reasoning. They were relying on their own intellect. They were trusting in their own perception of the situation. But their plan was not God's plan. It certainly "looked like" they were doing the smart thing in providing for their safety. Following God's plan to venture out to a new life certainly appeared to be full of risks. The majority was convinced that they were "doing the right thing" to provide for their future. But they were wrong.

They were building a codependency on other people. God disapproves of any codependent relationship where He is not one of the partners. And truth be told, any form of codependency outside the framework of faith in God is aberrant and dysfunctional. God is a jealous God. Deuteronomy 4:24 says, "God, your God, is not to be trifled with - he's a consuming fire, a jealous God." A codependent relationship involves a form of idolatry, and we are not to have any idols before God. That's a commandment to be followed, not an advisement to be considered.

The people of ancient Babel embraced the wrong doctrine; a doctrine where they leaned on their own understanding. They did not respect what God had told them to do. It caused them to become worldly and more ungodly. They were their own idols. Eventually, they all fell together. At some point, KatieLyn will have to choose concerning following her mom or following God, or the Lord will make the choice for her just as He did for those residents of the Shinar plain. She has already refused to walk through at least one door that He opened for her.

The people ought to have been excited over what God had said. They had been given a freshly washed world to exercise dominion over, to go out and subdue. They had been told to go out and make new homesteads and to enlarge their families, but they opted for the false security of sticking together. So they got excited over their own plans and over the things they could build for themselves. They did not value God's plan because it seemed too impossible, too far away, and too unfamiliar to what they were used to. They decided to trust and support the leaders they had grown up with. 

I mentioned earlier that the people of Babel fell into a deviant codependency because they were putting their faith in wrong doctrine. In my next post, I will discuss a few ways to judge if your doctrine is screwy, and then we will see how the runaway bride's belief system compares. In the meantime, there is this:

Do not trust influential people, mortals who cannot help you. Psalm 146:3 GWT

Picture Credit:  Nicolas Bertin, Phaéton on the Chariot of Apollo, via Wikimedia Commons