A Real Witch & Ghost Story 👻

1 Samuel  28

The cast:
Samuel, a prophet, deceased
Saul, the king
woman at Endor who had a familiar spirit

In those days the Philistines gathered their forces for war...  
Now Samuel was dead, and all Israel had mourned for him and buried him in his home town.
Saul had expelled the mediums and necromancers from the land.
When Saul saw the army of the Philistines, he was afraid, and his heart trembled greatly.
When Saul inquired of the LORD, the LORD did not answer him, neither by dreams nor by prophets.
Saul disguised himself by putting on different clothes and came to the woman at night.
Saul said, "Conjure up for me, please, and bring up whomever I name. 
But the woman said to him, "You surely know what Saul has done, how he has killed the mediums
        and spiritists in the land. Why are you setting a trap for me to get me killed?"
Saul vowed to her by the LORD, saying, "As the LORD lives, no punishment shall come upon you for this thing. ... Bring up Samuel for me."

The rest of the story is copied at the end of this article if you need to review.  Lord Byron said of this account in scripture: 

    "I have always thought this the finest and most finished witch scene that ever was written or conceived, and you will be of my opinion if you consider all the circumstances of the actors of the case, together with the gravity, simplicity and density of the language. It beats all the ghost scenes I have ever read."

Byron was certainly correct in his observation about the "density of language." Many lessons are packed into a relatively short narrative.  Today, I want to point out some similarities between KatieLyn and Saul:
1. They both started out well, loving and serving God.
2.  They both were subjected to outside attack; Saul by the Philistines and Katielyn by a brigade of demonic doubt.
3.  They both became afraid as terror filled their heart.
4.  They were both in a position where they could no longer hear God.
5.  They both made really stupid decisions when they tried to work around that in the natural.
6.  They both went and did things that in former times when they had been walking with the Lord, they had vowed never to do.
7.  They both resorted to deception in an attempt to get out of a bad situation.
8.  They both lost Big-time because of it. Saul lost his life, and KatieLyn lost what God had planned to be the love of her life. 

The Lesson
Today, KatieLyn is stuck in a dead zone. She is in a relationship where she has to work at being loved; love is no longer lavished upon her. Satan leaves her alone now because he no longer has to work very hard at keeping her out of the center of God's plan. Her own cocktail of pride and poor self-image keeps herself in a "comfortable religion" where she doesn't have to deal with audacious ventures of faith.  



1 Samuel 28:12-17 The story continues...

 12And when the woman saw Samuel, she cried with a loud voice: and the woman spake to Saul, saying, Why hast thou deceived me? for thou art Saul. 13And the king said unto her, Be not afraid: for what sawest thou? And the woman said unto Saul, I saw gods ascending out of the earth. 14And he said unto her, What form is he of? And she said, An old man cometh up; and he is covered with a mantle. And Saul perceived that it was Samuel, and he stooped with his face to the ground, and bowed himself.

15And Samuel said to Saul, Why hast thou disquieted me, to bring me up? And Saul answered, I am sore distressed; for the Philistines make war against me, and God is departed from me, and answereth me no more, neither by prophets, nor by dreams: therefore I have called thee, that thou mayest make known unto me what I shall do. 16Then said Samuel, Wherefore then dost thou ask of me, seeing the LORD is departed from thee, and is become thine enemy? 17And the LORD hath done to him, as he spake by me: for the LORD hath rent the kingdom out of thine hand, and given it to thy neighbour, even to David:

Christmas Shopping

Book Lady Necklace ← This is a link for purchase.  But if you are viewing this years from now after the merchandise has changed, the necklace looked like this:

This is a fairly good representation of KatieLyn, who refuses to interact with the real world.

Where KatieLyn Messed Up

Before I tell you where KatieLyn messed up, I would like to briefly review some of the ways that Satan used or attempted to use what God had said to manipulate reality to his own end.

1. Doubt
Satan used doubt with Eve. He got her to question God.
Genesis 3:1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?”

2. Physical Need
Satan appealed to Jesus' appetite after a forty-day fast.
Matthew 4:3   And the tempter came and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.” 

3. An appeal to ego. 
Satan tried to bribe Jesus, who is the Word, with an appeal to vanity by misappropriating the word.
Luke 4:9, 10 and (Satan) said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down from here; for it is written..."

4. Power and Purpose
Jesus came to preach the kingdom; Satan had a kingdom to barter.  
Matthew 4:8, 9 Again, the devil took Him to a very high mountain and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory;  and he said to Him, “All these things I will give You, if You fall down and worship me.”

Satan used a cocktail mix on KatieLyn in that elements of all these played into her decision to run away in the middle of the night. But the biggie was #3. She needed to be "perfect" and Satan was right there to back up the destruction with misappropriated scripture.

We know the Ten Commandments are important.  We know that Paul taught on this subject in his letter to Ephesus. Ephesians 6:1-3 says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2'Honor your father and mother' (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3'that it may go well with you and that you may be long-lived on the earth.'"

Jesus taught on this subject in Matthew 15:4, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (which is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may be long-lived on the earth."

But what does one do with Jesus teaching in Luke 18:29, 30

"Truly I tell you," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life."

Compare with Matthew 19:29

"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for the sake of My name will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life."

And Mark 10:29,30

"Truly I tell you," said Jesus, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for My sake and for the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life."

God's will and God's plan for KatieLyn was for her to leave her mother's home.  Satan got her to focus so much on honoring her mom that he got her to run away from her 100x blessing!

BUT IT DOES NOT STOP THERE...

After KatieLyn threw Joe under the bus by choosing her mother's desire over God's plan for their lives, a couple of new areas opened up that Satan can use to attack.

The Lesson
This is an important less on because it shows how one unrepentant sin opens additional doors for satanic attack.
1. It opens the door to taking offense. KatileLyn knows this, and the proof is that she "predicted" Joe would grow to hate her. He has not, but in the history of the way she grew up, taking offense and the growth of hate that follows was "normal" for her. That is what she normally would have expected.
That is not what happened; God directed a different outcome.
2. It allowed Satan to bind her in a dysfunctional state where she is experiencing a personality disorder. The proof of this is that she cannot talk about or face what happened. She has to shut out Joe completely in order to function at all. This is not living a full life.KatieLyn still feels a need to be perfect, but the minute that she faces Joe, she realizes that she made a mistake by running. The way she deals is to hide him away where she is not at risk of seeing this imperfection. Willfully blind.
3. It allows Satan to deepen her codependent personality and take it to another downward level. God had planned to raise her up from this in her marriage, but now she is stuck either being single, or worse, marrying into an abnormal power structure. Let me explain:
The thing that KatieLyn's mom, Gwen, did not like about Joe was that she (Gwen) could not control him. She was also offended that she had not been able to participate in choosing him for Katie. These two strikes were heavy against Joe; however, it is easy to see why they were part (one of many) of the reason that God would have chosen to put KatieLyn and Joe together—she needs to establish independence from her mom, and a man with these traits will help strengthen her do that. If KatieLyn marries someone that her mom 100% approves of without first resolving the codependency between Katie and her mother, it means that Gwen is satisfied with the control she has over KatieLyn's husband. It is spiritually and psychologically unhealthy because all of their happiness is dependent upon satisfying The Powers That Be.
4.  Satan can continue to exploit her self-pride. KatieLyn has worked very hard to convince herself that she "did the right thing" by running away. Although, we know that if she had been successful in REALLY knowing this, then she would have no problem in facing Joe and she would not have felt threatened by his friends.  Satan now has her in bondage that is deeper than before because she has tasted the power of rebellion. 

The Silent Treatment - a double edged sword

DRAFT -  I chose to publish this draft even though I have not finished the article because in the end it needs to fit the sequence in this spot.   


In modern day psychology, the silent treatment in a relationship is simply a person's way of exacting control over another person. The person giving the cold shoulder has all the power and creates a situation wherein all the attention is focused on him (or her), and what he perceives as being wrong. The silent treatment is often given as a form of punishment in a relationship and psychologists consider the silent treatment as a form of abuse.
Silent treatment is abuse because:¹

• It is passive-aggressive behavior intended to hurt the other person
• It shows a lack of caring, a lack of respect and a lack of value
• It can hurt the other person more than anything else you do, depending on the other person
• It can contribute to depression, anxiety and low self-esteem

For many people, the silent treatment is the worst form of emotional abuse.

 http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/the-silent-treatment-are-you-getting-the-cold-shoulder/

Personality Disorders and Emotionally Abusive Women

Who could have guessed it would come to this? When I started this blog, I'd never have guessed I would end up talking about personality disorders and abusive women. But when I started researching that topic for an article about Hilary Clinton, I began finding tons of overlapping information.

When I match the research to my observations, I have to conclude that KatieLyn has a borderline personality disorder and her mother Gwen is emotionally abusive.  I will let the literature speak for itself:

Borderline personality disorder descriptions

  - this disorder involves intense and unstable relationships, self-perception and moods. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) frantically avoid abandonment, feel inappropriate anger and may be paranoid. They can be at either extreme, too impulsive or too cautious. They have stress-related paranoid thoughts.

  -  is a serious mental disorder marked by a pattern of ongoing instability in moods, behavior, self-image, and functioning. These experiences often result in impulsive actions and unstable relationships. A person with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to days. (nih.gov)

   - is a serious mental illness that centers on the inability to manage emotions effectively. The disorder occurs in the context of relationships: sometimes all relationships are affected, sometimes only one. It usually begins during adolescence or early adulthood.

   - While some persons with BPD are high functioning in certain settings, their private lives may be in turmoil. These may include frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, and/or a pattern of intense love/hate relationships with family, friends, and loved ones.

I have highlighted the portions of the descriptions that I have observed in KatieLyn.

Officially recognized in 1980 by the psychiatric community, BPD is more than two decades behind in research, treatment options, and family psycho-education compared to other major psychiatric disorders. BPD has historically met with widespread misunderstanding and blatant stigma.

KatieLyn fits many of these traits. She would make comments that she never felt good enough. Joe would try and reassure her that she was. I thought then and continue to believe today that if she had moved out of her parent's home, she would have gained and instant boost in self-confidence. It seemed like every time she got a little victory that her mother would subtly undermine it. 

 ♦  •  ♦  •  ♦  •  ♦  •  ♦  

Characteristics of Emotionally Abusive Women

Extreme jealousy - The abusive woman usually sees jealousy as a "sign of love" which can manifest as either possessive or vengeful, or a combination of both. 
Sense of entitlement - The abusive woman may feel entitled because of her position eg. I was here first, or because of her accomplishment eg. I did all this for you.
Having unrealistic expectations or demands - Frequently the victim of the abuse is regarded as subservient to the abuser. 
Poor communication skills – abusers may have difficulty expressing themselves because they lack the skills to communicate or because they are intimidated by the subject.
Create isolation – an abuser will work to cut off ties to others to keep the victim completely centered on the abuser.
Use drinking to cope with stress - Abusers drink at rates higher than the general population, but those who do not may have alternate addictions. 
Are hypersensitive – abusers often take the slightest action as a personal attack.
Appear charming to others – abusers tend to hide all their abusive behaviors in other scenarios so that the victim is the only one that sees their abusive side.

I have highlighted the portions of the descriptions that I have observed in Gwen.

The first one on the list, extreme jealousy, nailed it for me. Gwen was extremely jealous of Katie's relationship, and yes, she couched all her negative comments as being "loving" wisdom and concern. Basically, they were all from the pits of hell to steal and destroy. She used the "entitlement card" of being the mother.  After KatieLyn ran home in the middle of the night, Gwen shut down all outside communication and further isolated KatieLyn. Sure, she claims it was Katie's choice, but by that point all of Katie's choices were to please mommy, so as my economics teacher was fond of saying, "Same difference."

The Lesson
Seeing these lists from websites that offer support and promote public awareness of personality disorders and abuse has reinforced the insights that I've been digging out of scriptures for the past year and a half.  When I began my quest, I didn't have labels for the mix of things that I was seeing. I do now.




The National Education Alliance for BPD reports that  BPD affects 5.9% of adults (about 14 million Americans). 

Shunning

“M. de Charlus made no reply and looked as if he had not heard, which was one of his favourite forms of rudeness.”
― Marcel Proust, Sodom and Gomorrah  

 M. de Charlus and KatieLyn the Runaway Bride have something in common: a favorite rudeness.

Chronic rudeness by intentionally ignoring someone, as opposed to an occasional distracted oversight, is a form of emotion abuse. It is premeditated. It is almost always associated with rebellion.

Certainly at the beginning, abusers tend to be able to turn their abusive behavior on and off when convenient. This is how they can hide as "good church people." But it is a  façade, an outward misrepresentation intended to conceal something unpleasant.

Such an emotionally abusive person seeks power and control. KatieLyn was power-tripping by calling off the wedding. She got a rush out of it. She'd lived her entire life craving her mother's approval; and wow—this was the way she could get it!  She knew her mom didn't want her to leave. Everyone knew Gwen, mother of the runaway, did not want her daughter to leave!  The very day that I met KatieLyn's mom, within the first hour she was lamenting that Joe was "going to take KatieLyn away" from her!   So by calling off the wedding, KatieLyn could FINALLY win her mother's approval. ...or did she?

Treating persons as if they don't exist is rude. Treating persons as if they don't exist is demeaning. Treating persons as if they do not exist is not at all godlike.

At a workshop on the Neurobiology of Psychological Torture, Professor Almerindo Ojeda, UC Davis, said that social rejection has been established to cause psychological damage and has been categorized as torture.  Jonathan Haidt, University of Edinburgh, has written a paper that categorizes the rejection as punishment. Either way, whether KatieLyn was trying to torture Joe or punish him, her behavior is cruel and was a form of aggression, even though no physical abuse was involved.

Basically, KatieLyn's ongoing refusal to even acknowledge Joe's existence, let alone any attempt to normalize a mature, Christian relationship has become both a concern and an indication that she is not dealing with her decision in a healthful manner.

It might be appropriate to ask the classic question here: WWJD?

As I look for Bible clues on this, it becomes clear that Jesus did not ignore or shun people. The primary examples of shunning have to do with shunning evil. “The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding, Job 28:28”

The closest thing to this topic that Jesus taught is found in Matthew 18 

15 If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

But this is exactly backwards from what happened. If KatieLyn thinks that she was sinned against, then she is supposed to make three ever-widening attempts to fix it. Instead, by being the one who won't do the courtesy of listening, she has become the stubborn sinner.

The Lesson
The only biblical justification for giving the cold-shoulder treatment is "preceded by admonition and counsel; it is only employed in cases of bona fide heresy, obdurate divisiveness, or blatant, unrepentant sin; and it is a last resort."¹  KatieLyn is wrong on this one, and anybody who tells her that she is "doing the right thing" has lied to her. 



¹ What does the Bible say about shunning?